I get excited a lot. I get excited when things begin and when they start picking up quickly.
But so many times, that's where it ends. I wait patiently, I wait for however long it takes me to realize that what I thought was a promising beginning was actually the end.
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
"Treat Yourself"
I did nothing today. Partially because my day was thrown off balance by having to push back plans with someone who overslept. But that aside... I mentioned to a friend how I did nothing, and they said something that I hate hate hate hate hate for people to tell me.
"Treat yourself!"
What the flip does that even mean.
Why is it a good thing to do nothing? I didn't get this far by doing nothing. Like, if you're going to be a lazy person and think that it's good to slack off, that's fantastic for you, I don't care, you can go do that. But me? I work way too hard to afford to stop.
People also say that when I can't stop myself from eating something like some dessert, or a lot of food. "Treat yourself!" WHAT THE FLIP DOES THAT MEAN.
Why is it a good thing to put unhealthy food into your body? It's so stupid I can't even build an argument against it, cause usually arguments can only be built against things that are made of at least some substance.
Eating unhealthy and accomplishing nothing are not to be encouraged.
At least, that's not how I work. "Treating" myself means working my behind off all day, packing my day with booking it between internship, training, practice, stuff like that, and hitting the bed at night absolutely tired but ready to shoot up the next morning to do it all again. Cause you know what that leads to? It leads to success. It leads to me potentially being better than the lazy person who thinks that staying home all day is a successful day.
I delight in working hard. It feels good. (Same with eating healthy - it feels good.) So when someone tells me to "treat" myself and NOT work hard or NOT eat healthy, that's kind of offensive because... do you really think that I hold myself to such low standards? Do you really think I disrespect myself so much that I give myself a pat on the back for literally doing nothing?
I'm not stupid. So while you're rewarding yourself for being lazy, I'll be crushin' it somewhere across town. See ya later, have fun getting nothing done.
"Treat yourself!"
What the flip does that even mean.
Why is it a good thing to do nothing? I didn't get this far by doing nothing. Like, if you're going to be a lazy person and think that it's good to slack off, that's fantastic for you, I don't care, you can go do that. But me? I work way too hard to afford to stop.
People also say that when I can't stop myself from eating something like some dessert, or a lot of food. "Treat yourself!" WHAT THE FLIP DOES THAT MEAN.
Why is it a good thing to put unhealthy food into your body? It's so stupid I can't even build an argument against it, cause usually arguments can only be built against things that are made of at least some substance.
Eating unhealthy and accomplishing nothing are not to be encouraged.
At least, that's not how I work. "Treating" myself means working my behind off all day, packing my day with booking it between internship, training, practice, stuff like that, and hitting the bed at night absolutely tired but ready to shoot up the next morning to do it all again. Cause you know what that leads to? It leads to success. It leads to me potentially being better than the lazy person who thinks that staying home all day is a successful day.
I delight in working hard. It feels good. (Same with eating healthy - it feels good.) So when someone tells me to "treat" myself and NOT work hard or NOT eat healthy, that's kind of offensive because... do you really think that I hold myself to such low standards? Do you really think I disrespect myself so much that I give myself a pat on the back for literally doing nothing?
I'm not stupid. So while you're rewarding yourself for being lazy, I'll be crushin' it somewhere across town. See ya later, have fun getting nothing done.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Pens For Her
So everyone's kind of blowing up about these pink and purple pens that are "for her". People get the idea that it's a condescending product that suggests that women can't use other pens, pens that they are now mockingly calling "man pens."
Okay, y'all, hold up.
Just because these pens are "women's pens" doesn't automatically make any other pens "man pens."
Nowhere does it say that women can only use these pens and women can only use these pens. These pens are just an option for if somebody wants a pretty pen. Lots of people don't want pretty pens, but some people do. It's kind of a niche market.
I will say that I don't 100% agree with labeling it "for her" because some of these people who want pretty pink and purple pens might be men. And that's not a big deal, that just means they like the colors and the designs, it doesn't necessarily imply anything else.
I don't think that these pens are an issue, besides the company's direct claim that they are for women.
On the other hand, lots of children's toys are getting lots of criticism because they are flowery and pink or (something stereotypically boyish?) and blue. But do these products actually SAY "for girls only" or "for boys only?" I don't think they do; at least, I haven't seen any that say that. People claim that the only toys manufactured for girls are all princesses and flowers and pink and purple, but who's stopping a boy from buying them? What if a boy likes a flowery purple toy? Nothing says he can't buy it. These boundaries are set by the consumers who imagine the line.
That's all I've got for now. I think that people are making too big a deal of "gendered products." For people who care so much about it, they're doing kind of a lousy job of just buying whichever product they want.
Okay, y'all, hold up.
Just because these pens are "women's pens" doesn't automatically make any other pens "man pens."
Nowhere does it say that women can only use these pens and women can only use these pens. These pens are just an option for if somebody wants a pretty pen. Lots of people don't want pretty pens, but some people do. It's kind of a niche market.
I will say that I don't 100% agree with labeling it "for her" because some of these people who want pretty pink and purple pens might be men. And that's not a big deal, that just means they like the colors and the designs, it doesn't necessarily imply anything else.
I don't think that these pens are an issue, besides the company's direct claim that they are for women.
On the other hand, lots of children's toys are getting lots of criticism because they are flowery and pink or (something stereotypically boyish?) and blue. But do these products actually SAY "for girls only" or "for boys only?" I don't think they do; at least, I haven't seen any that say that. People claim that the only toys manufactured for girls are all princesses and flowers and pink and purple, but who's stopping a boy from buying them? What if a boy likes a flowery purple toy? Nothing says he can't buy it. These boundaries are set by the consumers who imagine the line.
That's all I've got for now. I think that people are making too big a deal of "gendered products." For people who care so much about it, they're doing kind of a lousy job of just buying whichever product they want.
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Step in Time
I've been having the incredible opportunity of watching rehearsals for Mary Poppins at the theatre I work at.
I tried to keep it down. But I can't. Here goes.
Today, the five hour rehearsal included Step in Time (the tap number where the ensemble is chimney sweeps) and the scenes directly before and after. I'm gonna TELL you about Step in Time.
It was mindblowing. Incredible. Absolutely unreal.
First of all, I adore the interactions that go on between the chimney sweeps. There are so many cute little transactions that occur, you DO NOT have enough eyes to watch them all. They all happen so quickly and swiftly that, chances are, you're missing them. But the chimney sweeps all exhibit a charming camaraderie, and they're constantly shaking hands, patting each other's shoulders, and tossing each other smiles on a whim. It's different each time.
Also, for some reason, lots of the ensemble boys were wearing baseball caps, and at random times when improvising was allowed, you'd catch one whip his hat off his head and tip it to another sweep or whirl it around up above his head.
And directly after the button of the number (that's the very very end of a dance and song), the music goes slow and everything starts happening in slow motion... and everybody does intensely interesting things. This one guy does a backwards somersault from his button position. These three chimney sweeps engage in a three-way handshake, arms crossed over each other. One chimney sweep, who finished the button in the most adorable way - landing on the ground with his chin in his hands, peeking out from between another sweep's legs - gets help standing back up. Bert spits on his hand and little Michael looks with horror as their hands meet... and as the handshake ends and Michael pulls his hand away, he pulls a revolted face and wipes his hand clean. It's all happening in slow motion, and all at once, in a matter of five brilliant seconds, and if you're watching one, it means you're missing all the others.
The most striking thing about these ensemble members is that they are downright charming. There's a number called the the Step in Time Reprise, it's immediately after Step in Time and it's a transition from the rooftops into the Bank's house, and the chimney sweeps interact with the people of the household. The absolute cutest part was a segment that was just added today, when the chimney sweeps, all having fun, swing their hips back and forth - along with matching arm movements - as they wait for their cue from Bert. There's no way to properly explain that part. It's just so cute. SO cute. Also, in another corner, where Mr. Banks's desk lies, one sweep climbs up onto his office chair and starts dancing, as two other sweeps grab his briefcase and toss it back and forth to each other, running around the table with it, as Mr. Banks angrily tries to grab it back. Meanwhile, Ms. Banks is pulled into a salsa with Bert and Miss Brill is tossed around between sweeps. It's a total party. And, at the end of the scene, when the sweeps are all filing out the door (still in dance), the charm reaches a peak as, one by one, the boy chimney sweeps prance past Mr. Banks and individually sing, "Good night, guvnor!" as they spin backwards and tip their hats to him.
But I couldn't give a description of this number without noting the INCREDIBLE tap soloist. Okay. you know how, when a fan starts to move, you can't see where the blades are - it's just a blur of color? That's exactly what happened with his feet. It's the only way I can it. Near the end of the number, his feet started flying so fast that I honestly COULD NOT SEE where they were. He was floating on a cloud of brown and all these incredible NOISES were rocketing out from beneath him.
That wasn't the only moment that left me beyond mindblown. There was one section where the sweeps began to make intricate rhythms by clapping and slapping their shoulders, knees, elbows... it was a relentless string of hands flying, striking skin. They did the thing where you cross your arms (hands tap the opposite elbow) then you bring them back up to the middle, where the backs of your hands slap together, and then back down to elbows, etc. and also this thing there (try this with me) you put your left hand over your right knee, use your right hand to slap your knee, bring it up to slap your left hand, bring it back down to slap your knee, repeat on the other side. And then repeat that. Again. Again. Really fast. REALLY FAST.
Also, let's just not forget when two of the sweeps did ten pirouettes in a row, perfectly synched, and then ended it with a toe-touch jump. It was all too much. So much.
And there's this part where the chimney sweeps, with their brooms in hand, line up in two lines, facing each other, and Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids walk down between the lines, but, as that's happening, just in front of them, the chimney sweeps toss their brooms across the alley to each other. The broom toss occurs in a wave, just as Mary and the others arrive down the row. It's nothing short of impressive.
Also, just by watching, I learned a few new tap steps (from the parts that were slow enough for me to process) and I actually remember quite a bit. I remember the last several 8-counts of the entire number, which is nothing compared to the entirety of the number, but they did the end a few times, so I got to watch it and remember the sequence of the moves. I probably couldn't DO it cause my technique isn't there yet, but I definitely know what's next in the dance.
I think that's all I have to say now. I think I've run my pen dry. I just wanted to write about it on here because I'd been texting a couple of friends throughout the night, and that's all scattered and I wanted a place to have it ALL. So here it is. It'll probably be added to. But anyways, here's this.
In conclusion, my mind is shattered. I question what is real. I watched them rehearse for five entire hours, and during that time they had every ounce of my attention, but, even after that, I can't even begin to describe what just happened right in front of my eyes. Everything I witnessed was far beyond unreal.
And that was just one number.
I tried to keep it down. But I can't. Here goes.
Today, the five hour rehearsal included Step in Time (the tap number where the ensemble is chimney sweeps) and the scenes directly before and after. I'm gonna TELL you about Step in Time.
It was mindblowing. Incredible. Absolutely unreal.
First of all, I adore the interactions that go on between the chimney sweeps. There are so many cute little transactions that occur, you DO NOT have enough eyes to watch them all. They all happen so quickly and swiftly that, chances are, you're missing them. But the chimney sweeps all exhibit a charming camaraderie, and they're constantly shaking hands, patting each other's shoulders, and tossing each other smiles on a whim. It's different each time.
Also, for some reason, lots of the ensemble boys were wearing baseball caps, and at random times when improvising was allowed, you'd catch one whip his hat off his head and tip it to another sweep or whirl it around up above his head.
And directly after the button of the number (that's the very very end of a dance and song), the music goes slow and everything starts happening in slow motion... and everybody does intensely interesting things. This one guy does a backwards somersault from his button position. These three chimney sweeps engage in a three-way handshake, arms crossed over each other. One chimney sweep, who finished the button in the most adorable way - landing on the ground with his chin in his hands, peeking out from between another sweep's legs - gets help standing back up. Bert spits on his hand and little Michael looks with horror as their hands meet... and as the handshake ends and Michael pulls his hand away, he pulls a revolted face and wipes his hand clean. It's all happening in slow motion, and all at once, in a matter of five brilliant seconds, and if you're watching one, it means you're missing all the others.
The most striking thing about these ensemble members is that they are downright charming. There's a number called the the Step in Time Reprise, it's immediately after Step in Time and it's a transition from the rooftops into the Bank's house, and the chimney sweeps interact with the people of the household. The absolute cutest part was a segment that was just added today, when the chimney sweeps, all having fun, swing their hips back and forth - along with matching arm movements - as they wait for their cue from Bert. There's no way to properly explain that part. It's just so cute. SO cute. Also, in another corner, where Mr. Banks's desk lies, one sweep climbs up onto his office chair and starts dancing, as two other sweeps grab his briefcase and toss it back and forth to each other, running around the table with it, as Mr. Banks angrily tries to grab it back. Meanwhile, Ms. Banks is pulled into a salsa with Bert and Miss Brill is tossed around between sweeps. It's a total party. And, at the end of the scene, when the sweeps are all filing out the door (still in dance), the charm reaches a peak as, one by one, the boy chimney sweeps prance past Mr. Banks and individually sing, "Good night, guvnor!" as they spin backwards and tip their hats to him.
But I couldn't give a description of this number without noting the INCREDIBLE tap soloist. Okay. you know how, when a fan starts to move, you can't see where the blades are - it's just a blur of color? That's exactly what happened with his feet. It's the only way I can it. Near the end of the number, his feet started flying so fast that I honestly COULD NOT SEE where they were. He was floating on a cloud of brown and all these incredible NOISES were rocketing out from beneath him.
That wasn't the only moment that left me beyond mindblown. There was one section where the sweeps began to make intricate rhythms by clapping and slapping their shoulders, knees, elbows... it was a relentless string of hands flying, striking skin. They did the thing where you cross your arms (hands tap the opposite elbow) then you bring them back up to the middle, where the backs of your hands slap together, and then back down to elbows, etc. and also this thing there (try this with me) you put your left hand over your right knee, use your right hand to slap your knee, bring it up to slap your left hand, bring it back down to slap your knee, repeat on the other side. And then repeat that. Again. Again. Really fast. REALLY FAST.
Also, let's just not forget when two of the sweeps did ten pirouettes in a row, perfectly synched, and then ended it with a toe-touch jump. It was all too much. So much.
And there's this part where the chimney sweeps, with their brooms in hand, line up in two lines, facing each other, and Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids walk down between the lines, but, as that's happening, just in front of them, the chimney sweeps toss their brooms across the alley to each other. The broom toss occurs in a wave, just as Mary and the others arrive down the row. It's nothing short of impressive.
Also, just by watching, I learned a few new tap steps (from the parts that were slow enough for me to process) and I actually remember quite a bit. I remember the last several 8-counts of the entire number, which is nothing compared to the entirety of the number, but they did the end a few times, so I got to watch it and remember the sequence of the moves. I probably couldn't DO it cause my technique isn't there yet, but I definitely know what's next in the dance.
I think that's all I have to say now. I think I've run my pen dry. I just wanted to write about it on here because I'd been texting a couple of friends throughout the night, and that's all scattered and I wanted a place to have it ALL. So here it is. It'll probably be added to. But anyways, here's this.
In conclusion, my mind is shattered. I question what is real. I watched them rehearse for five entire hours, and during that time they had every ounce of my attention, but, even after that, I can't even begin to describe what just happened right in front of my eyes. Everything I witnessed was far beyond unreal.
And that was just one number.
Monday, June 13, 2016
Diversity and White and Color
Last night at the Tony Awards, all four actor/actress awards for a musical went to people of color. All were black, though Daveed Diggs is half black.
Please don't misunderstand; I am absolutely thrilled about this. However, I disagree with calling these results "diverse." Only one race is represented in this win, and while it's extraordinary that this happened, it still is only one race. A diverse win would include people of different races. For instance, it would have been diverse if the winners were a black person, a white person, an Asian person, and a Latinx person. Instead of saying that these results are diverse, I would say that these results are colorful. The wins are filled with people of color.
If we were going to put this statement in terms of diversity, we would say that these results increase the diversity of the pool of winners in these categories. Because Leslie Odom Jr won best actor in a musical, the pool of winners of this award (within the history of the Tonys) is now more diverse.
If we are going to talk about diversity, we need to acknowledge what it means. We need to know what is diverse and what is not diverse. Diverse does not mean "not white."
So are we fighting for diversity or against the domination of white?
Please don't misunderstand; I am absolutely thrilled about this. However, I disagree with calling these results "diverse." Only one race is represented in this win, and while it's extraordinary that this happened, it still is only one race. A diverse win would include people of different races. For instance, it would have been diverse if the winners were a black person, a white person, an Asian person, and a Latinx person. Instead of saying that these results are diverse, I would say that these results are colorful. The wins are filled with people of color.
If we were going to put this statement in terms of diversity, we would say that these results increase the diversity of the pool of winners in these categories. Because Leslie Odom Jr won best actor in a musical, the pool of winners of this award (within the history of the Tonys) is now more diverse.
If we are going to talk about diversity, we need to acknowledge what it means. We need to know what is diverse and what is not diverse. Diverse does not mean "not white."
So are we fighting for diversity or against the domination of white?
Friday, June 10, 2016
Mmmmmm ://
So this is literally just because I want to get this out, but can't find it in myself to say it to an actual person, cause that would be with bad judgment.
You know that show I auditioned for at the very beginning of the year? Yeah let's just say it was Cabaret (it definitely was not Cabaret, I'm just saying that cause I don't really know who's reading this - no one hah - but I still have that weird feeling where I don't rest well with telling people my auditioning business). We're gonna pretend it was Cabaret, just for these purposes.
Okay I'm interning at the theatre, I don't know if I mentioned that. But I am, and we get lots of things attached to it, like tickets to opening night of the new mainstage show last night. And all of us went and it was a fun time and it was a total blast. Cabaret opens while our internship is still going on, and we really most likely will be invited to opening night again, and, if not, another show of it for sure. There's this (pretty big) part of me that wishes I was in Cabaret... I know that I would probably physically crumble under the schedule of doing camps all day (that's my internship) - which is almost too much for me all on its own - and THEN going to hours of rehearsal afterwards. Though I would have a couple of hours in between to recharge. Anyways, you know me, I would never complain about that. I would mentally be over the moon, high on theatre, but sometimes mentality isn't enough, physicality has to agree. I don't think it was a mistake that I didn't get Cabaret, but I really still wish I did get it. I just can't stop thinking about how incredible it would be to be on stage the next time the interns go to see opening night. I'd come out of stage door and they'd swamp me (let me dream, okay? though that's really realistic, I don't think they wouldn't) and I would be up on stage knowing that - ok this makes me sound awful - that I'm just a little more accomplished than them. Okay I'm the worst. But I'm being honest. And I want to stick with honestly, cause I don't want to deny my wishes. I would just absolutely love if I was in Cabaret.
ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT so many people that I know and love are working on it. Like one prominent staff member, whom all the interns adore but are afraid of... how cool would it be to be in a show with her and have that much more of a connection with her than the other interns? Well, I would say that I'm closest to her than any other intern because I was here last summer as a counselor and we kinda bonded then. So, like, she's known me.
I think that I just want the other interns to respect me. I think that's what it is. Not that they don't respect me, they totally do, but I mean respect in the way that, like... ugh I'll just say it, I want to be better than them. That's me. I always want to be better, it's a competition always. But only sometimes. What am I saying. Some things I just want to be the best at. I'm competitive. I guess that's what I mean.
You know that show I auditioned for at the very beginning of the year? Yeah let's just say it was Cabaret (it definitely was not Cabaret, I'm just saying that cause I don't really know who's reading this - no one hah - but I still have that weird feeling where I don't rest well with telling people my auditioning business). We're gonna pretend it was Cabaret, just for these purposes.
Okay I'm interning at the theatre, I don't know if I mentioned that. But I am, and we get lots of things attached to it, like tickets to opening night of the new mainstage show last night. And all of us went and it was a fun time and it was a total blast. Cabaret opens while our internship is still going on, and we really most likely will be invited to opening night again, and, if not, another show of it for sure. There's this (pretty big) part of me that wishes I was in Cabaret... I know that I would probably physically crumble under the schedule of doing camps all day (that's my internship) - which is almost too much for me all on its own - and THEN going to hours of rehearsal afterwards. Though I would have a couple of hours in between to recharge. Anyways, you know me, I would never complain about that. I would mentally be over the moon, high on theatre, but sometimes mentality isn't enough, physicality has to agree. I don't think it was a mistake that I didn't get Cabaret, but I really still wish I did get it. I just can't stop thinking about how incredible it would be to be on stage the next time the interns go to see opening night. I'd come out of stage door and they'd swamp me (let me dream, okay? though that's really realistic, I don't think they wouldn't) and I would be up on stage knowing that - ok this makes me sound awful - that I'm just a little more accomplished than them. Okay I'm the worst. But I'm being honest. And I want to stick with honestly, cause I don't want to deny my wishes. I would just absolutely love if I was in Cabaret.
ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT so many people that I know and love are working on it. Like one prominent staff member, whom all the interns adore but are afraid of... how cool would it be to be in a show with her and have that much more of a connection with her than the other interns? Well, I would say that I'm closest to her than any other intern because I was here last summer as a counselor and we kinda bonded then. So, like, she's known me.
I think that I just want the other interns to respect me. I think that's what it is. Not that they don't respect me, they totally do, but I mean respect in the way that, like... ugh I'll just say it, I want to be better than them. That's me. I always want to be better, it's a competition always. But only sometimes. What am I saying. Some things I just want to be the best at. I'm competitive. I guess that's what I mean.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
About Ambitions....
So many people are driven by their ambitions. Actually, ambition is what drives people. I guess that's a fact. But it's dangerous if your ambition is too far.
College kids often study for their classes with an idea along the line of, "I need to get a good GPA so that I can graduate with honors and go to grad school and find a good job and be a stable and employed adult by the time I am in my thirties."
Okay. Yeah, that's what everyone thinks. That guy who just got laid off by his company? That's what he thought when he was in college.
The thing is, it doesn't work out for everyone. Things might go wrong, and if you're focused on the big picture, you could very easily miss the cues that lead you in a different and better direction.
Here's an alternative: know your big picture ambition, but focus on a smaller milestone. If everything is destined to work out, it will, and you'll get to your big picture anyways. But if your path starts to turn a different way, your next milestone will alter accordingly, and you will know that your path has moved.
In the end, don't work towards your "pie in the sky"; you will never be satisfied. Even if you get there, by that time, you'll be worn out and you'll feel like you deserved it anyways. Don't do that to yourself. Live by the little. Run the marathon of life by the mile, not by the bulk.
College kids often study for their classes with an idea along the line of, "I need to get a good GPA so that I can graduate with honors and go to grad school and find a good job and be a stable and employed adult by the time I am in my thirties."
Okay. Yeah, that's what everyone thinks. That guy who just got laid off by his company? That's what he thought when he was in college.
The thing is, it doesn't work out for everyone. Things might go wrong, and if you're focused on the big picture, you could very easily miss the cues that lead you in a different and better direction.
Here's an alternative: know your big picture ambition, but focus on a smaller milestone. If everything is destined to work out, it will, and you'll get to your big picture anyways. But if your path starts to turn a different way, your next milestone will alter accordingly, and you will know that your path has moved.
In the end, don't work towards your "pie in the sky"; you will never be satisfied. Even if you get there, by that time, you'll be worn out and you'll feel like you deserved it anyways. Don't do that to yourself. Live by the little. Run the marathon of life by the mile, not by the bulk.
Friday, May 20, 2016
For Document on Laptop
People need to realize that they by no means have control over who is in their life. Everyone has the choice of leaving a friendship, and that generally leads people to believe that they are in control over the existence of a relationship, but they often forget that it can equally be cut off by the other person as well. It's a shared power. In other words, not one person is more powerful than the other. Even if you think you have the upper hand, know that none of your friends are obligated to stay.
Thursday, May 19, 2016
* CONT * This Summer!!
THIS IS CONTINUED FROM THE POST DIRECTLY UNDER!! It just got really long, so that one actually comes first!
Anyways, somewhere down the line, I decided to apply for the summer internship. I wrote a formal email cover letter and attached my resume and everything and submitted... and it was kind of funny because I totally know the dude that was the email correspondent. So it was like... he was setting up an interview time and it was really chill cause, like, we friends on facebook and I have his number in my phone and everything, like, WE FRIENDS. But I knew that I still had to be game-on at the interview because my competition had more experience and more education. I can't tell if me being already so involved with these camps made it harder or easier for me to get in. I don't know and it doesn't matter, anyways. I have to say that, in my opinion, I nailed my interview. The guy and this other girl (whom I hadn't met before) interviewed me, and I think the girl actually had more say over who gets the internships, so I guess I was good enough for her to like me.
I'm a little bit scared going into this. I know that it will be a little bit different from the other camps, as expectations are going to be higher. Also, the rest of the interns are older than me. I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest. One of them is actually one of my castmates from the show I did at my university last semester, so that's exciting. Another is one whom I've known of for a while, he's a senior this year at my university, but he looks and acts, like, 30. I've facebook stalked my fellow interns (there are ten of us, including me) and I think the three of us from my university are the only ones from my city. Also, I'm so so sure I'm actually the youngest. Which is cool. Because I'm the only one who's done stuff with this theatre and its education program. I know how these things work, I know the drill, I have SUCH a leg up. And that's kind of scary. I don't think I'm gonna mention that to the other interns, unless the camp staff sorta spills the beans for me. I don't expect to be treated any better than the rest of the interns... I mean, it's sort of tricky, with me being a veteran. I'm not going to assume anything, I don't know if it's a pro or a con, or if it makes any difference at all. I'll just do my best and know that the other interns may be better than me (in which case I will learn from them) or less knowledgeable than me (in which case I will allow them to learn from me, if they'd like).
I don't know what this will be like. I'm the young fish. But I'm also the only one who knows the drill. I have no doubt that this will be an incredible summer. Honestly, if I were to predict, I would say that me having experience at these camps is not going to make any difference, as everybody will have it down in a matter of two weeks anyways. Actually, I might even feel a little bit alienated if I pull up a tradition that they don't really know about. Or maybe I'll not quite fit in because I'm so much younger. I guess it's inevitable that I'll like some more than the others, though I want that idea to have to prove itself. Either way. It'll be a good summer. I feel it in my bones.
Anyways, somewhere down the line, I decided to apply for the summer internship. I wrote a formal email cover letter and attached my resume and everything and submitted... and it was kind of funny because I totally know the dude that was the email correspondent. So it was like... he was setting up an interview time and it was really chill cause, like, we friends on facebook and I have his number in my phone and everything, like, WE FRIENDS. But I knew that I still had to be game-on at the interview because my competition had more experience and more education. I can't tell if me being already so involved with these camps made it harder or easier for me to get in. I don't know and it doesn't matter, anyways. I have to say that, in my opinion, I nailed my interview. The guy and this other girl (whom I hadn't met before) interviewed me, and I think the girl actually had more say over who gets the internships, so I guess I was good enough for her to like me.
I'm a little bit scared going into this. I know that it will be a little bit different from the other camps, as expectations are going to be higher. Also, the rest of the interns are older than me. I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest. One of them is actually one of my castmates from the show I did at my university last semester, so that's exciting. Another is one whom I've known of for a while, he's a senior this year at my university, but he looks and acts, like, 30. I've facebook stalked my fellow interns (there are ten of us, including me) and I think the three of us from my university are the only ones from my city. Also, I'm so so sure I'm actually the youngest. Which is cool. Because I'm the only one who's done stuff with this theatre and its education program. I know how these things work, I know the drill, I have SUCH a leg up. And that's kind of scary. I don't think I'm gonna mention that to the other interns, unless the camp staff sorta spills the beans for me. I don't expect to be treated any better than the rest of the interns... I mean, it's sort of tricky, with me being a veteran. I'm not going to assume anything, I don't know if it's a pro or a con, or if it makes any difference at all. I'll just do my best and know that the other interns may be better than me (in which case I will learn from them) or less knowledgeable than me (in which case I will allow them to learn from me, if they'd like).
I don't know what this will be like. I'm the young fish. But I'm also the only one who knows the drill. I have no doubt that this will be an incredible summer. Honestly, if I were to predict, I would say that me having experience at these camps is not going to make any difference, as everybody will have it down in a matter of two weeks anyways. Actually, I might even feel a little bit alienated if I pull up a tradition that they don't really know about. Or maybe I'll not quite fit in because I'm so much younger. I guess it's inevitable that I'll like some more than the others, though I want that idea to have to prove itself. Either way. It'll be a good summer. I feel it in my bones.
This Summer!!
Okay okay okay listen up!!
I am so excited about this summer.
I'm interning at a theatre that is near and dear to my heart, and I'm actually so glad that I've been able to build and maintain connections here. I became involved with this theatre when I did a professional show here last season. I knew that this held too many opportunities to throw away (even if they did require quite a bit of pursuing), so I kept it up and stayed involved. One of my castmates asked me if I was planning on applying to be a counselor at the camps during the summer. There are eleven (separate) weeks of camp at this theatre as part of the education program. There are about ten different groups each week, broken up into age groups. Each age group (well... it kind of goes lower elementary, upper elementary, middle school, high school) has different types of camps available, and anyways, it's a cool deal. There are about fourteen kids in each group, and each group is assigned to one intern. The interns are there for the entire summer. They don't always teach the same age group, and, near the end of the summer, they get to teach on their own.
The elementary aged camps have also have a counselor in their group. The counselors are high school kids who apply and are selected to be a right-hand man to the interns. They generally are only at one to three camps over the summer.
I was a counselor for two weeks last summer, and I absolutely admired the interns I was assigned to. I was actually way more enraptured by the guy I had the first week I was there... he worked with such purpose and charisma that I was honestly inspired to be my very best self 100% of the time. He's just one of those people who, once you've found them, you know you cannot afford to let go. He kind of made my world go round, and I'm so so lucky to still be in contact with him. He came to see a show I was in last semester (he was one of the only friends I told about the show, and I gave him one of my comp tickets) and I went to go see him in a devised piece at his university.
I could talk about him forever, but I'm off track.
Basically, now you see that I really really really really admired him and looked up to him. And I looked up to the intern I worked with the second week, too. These people were... wow! I just wanted to be like them, and I tried to hard to quickly learn from their ways.
This kind of fell into place perfectly. The lady named Kate was in charge of the counselors, and after my last day of camp, I shot her an email to thank her for the opportunity. Then, months later, as I was preparing for my audition for my university's theatre and dance department, I asked the director (of the show I was in) if he had any suggestions for acting coaches to help me with my audition pieces. He recommended Kate, and CC'ed her into the email. She quickly reached out to me, and we set up lesson times. She helped me so much. So much. But that's another story. Anyways, after I completed my lessons and was all ready for my audition, she asked me if I would be interested in interning for the winter break camps. There were two three day camps, and she wanted to know if I would intern... so I would get paid, have my own groups, just like the summer interns, but a little less would be expected from me, as I wouldn't have had the training that the summer interns get. So of course I jumped on the chance. Winter camps were great, and then I was invited back for a one day camp and then the spring break camps. The other interns for these camps were either high school seniors or other college freshmen... and summer interns have at least half their college career under their belt, if not all. Anyways, I'm actually the only person who was there for all four weeks of camp (and those were the only camps that there were during the school year). I'm not sure if others were invited to all, but turned down the offers... anyways, I was the only one there for all of it.
I'm breaking this into two posts. I didn't know I would end up explaining EVERYTHING hahaha....
I am so excited about this summer.
I'm interning at a theatre that is near and dear to my heart, and I'm actually so glad that I've been able to build and maintain connections here. I became involved with this theatre when I did a professional show here last season. I knew that this held too many opportunities to throw away (even if they did require quite a bit of pursuing), so I kept it up and stayed involved. One of my castmates asked me if I was planning on applying to be a counselor at the camps during the summer. There are eleven (separate) weeks of camp at this theatre as part of the education program. There are about ten different groups each week, broken up into age groups. Each age group (well... it kind of goes lower elementary, upper elementary, middle school, high school) has different types of camps available, and anyways, it's a cool deal. There are about fourteen kids in each group, and each group is assigned to one intern. The interns are there for the entire summer. They don't always teach the same age group, and, near the end of the summer, they get to teach on their own.
The elementary aged camps have also have a counselor in their group. The counselors are high school kids who apply and are selected to be a right-hand man to the interns. They generally are only at one to three camps over the summer.
I was a counselor for two weeks last summer, and I absolutely admired the interns I was assigned to. I was actually way more enraptured by the guy I had the first week I was there... he worked with such purpose and charisma that I was honestly inspired to be my very best self 100% of the time. He's just one of those people who, once you've found them, you know you cannot afford to let go. He kind of made my world go round, and I'm so so lucky to still be in contact with him. He came to see a show I was in last semester (he was one of the only friends I told about the show, and I gave him one of my comp tickets) and I went to go see him in a devised piece at his university.
I could talk about him forever, but I'm off track.
Basically, now you see that I really really really really admired him and looked up to him. And I looked up to the intern I worked with the second week, too. These people were... wow! I just wanted to be like them, and I tried to hard to quickly learn from their ways.
This kind of fell into place perfectly. The lady named Kate was in charge of the counselors, and after my last day of camp, I shot her an email to thank her for the opportunity. Then, months later, as I was preparing for my audition for my university's theatre and dance department, I asked the director (of the show I was in) if he had any suggestions for acting coaches to help me with my audition pieces. He recommended Kate, and CC'ed her into the email. She quickly reached out to me, and we set up lesson times. She helped me so much. So much. But that's another story. Anyways, after I completed my lessons and was all ready for my audition, she asked me if I would be interested in interning for the winter break camps. There were two three day camps, and she wanted to know if I would intern... so I would get paid, have my own groups, just like the summer interns, but a little less would be expected from me, as I wouldn't have had the training that the summer interns get. So of course I jumped on the chance. Winter camps were great, and then I was invited back for a one day camp and then the spring break camps. The other interns for these camps were either high school seniors or other college freshmen... and summer interns have at least half their college career under their belt, if not all. Anyways, I'm actually the only person who was there for all four weeks of camp (and those were the only camps that there were during the school year). I'm not sure if others were invited to all, but turned down the offers... anyways, I was the only one there for all of it.
I'm breaking this into two posts. I didn't know I would end up explaining EVERYTHING hahaha....
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Free of Friends
Friends do little more than disappoint, I feel like.
This past week as I've come back home for the summer, many friends have demonstrated their lack of effort in friendship. One particular friend has made plans with me and then flaked out... I think about five times in the past week. And today I ran into a mutual friend, who mentioned that she saw friend just yesterday. Which is.. like... (I'm not personally offended, I really don't care what this idiot does) sort of shady.
Really, out of all the friends I've had for seventeen years of my life, three have stuck. There's my best friend who's been my best friend ever since fifth grade. And then there's one who's a junior in high school now, and he's the only one who still texts me. And he lets me give him advice, which I love doing. And then there's one who has been a dear friend for about three or four years... we were brought together by a mutual friend when I was looking for a cast for one of my short films in early high school. This friend is incredibly gifted and she still pursues her craft, and just this morning I went to school to go see a play that her class put on. Of course, high school theatre does not do her justice, but I'd go see her in anything.
That's three. I guess that's okay. But, I don't know. Seventeen years yielding... three true friends?
Honestly, I don't really value people. That's probably a bad thing. There is a very very small handful of people I truly value. I guess that's why I'm so indifferent about the prospect of letting some friends go, even if we've been "friends" for years. Honestly, those three aforementioned friends are, like, the only ones who really hold value in my life. There are other people who also do, but... we aren't as close, I guess? Like, we aren't in constant contact. So what I mean is that some people (for example, those who were with me in the cast of the professional show I did) are more valuable to me than the friend that keeps blowing me off, even though that friend has been pretty close for all of high school.
I guess it's really warped... the roles of people in my life.
But I love theatre. And that's always going to be my passion and priority, first and foremost. The opportunity for making friends can be found anywhere. So I'm not going to slow down for it. Frankly, I do not care about friends as much as I care about working towards being able to do something I love. Currently, in my life, those two things are pretty separated, and they may come together at some point, but, if not, that's fine, cause theatre (training, I guess, since that's what I'm currently working on) will always A L W A Y S take priority. I don't care if I have friends. I don't want to depend on friends. I do not need friends to be happy or feel fulfilled. Because for as long as I have my passion, I can be sure of myself.
Maybe I've just never had a good friend. Maybe I ever will. But who cares? Not me.
This past week as I've come back home for the summer, many friends have demonstrated their lack of effort in friendship. One particular friend has made plans with me and then flaked out... I think about five times in the past week. And today I ran into a mutual friend, who mentioned that she saw friend just yesterday. Which is.. like... (I'm not personally offended, I really don't care what this idiot does) sort of shady.
Really, out of all the friends I've had for seventeen years of my life, three have stuck. There's my best friend who's been my best friend ever since fifth grade. And then there's one who's a junior in high school now, and he's the only one who still texts me. And he lets me give him advice, which I love doing. And then there's one who has been a dear friend for about three or four years... we were brought together by a mutual friend when I was looking for a cast for one of my short films in early high school. This friend is incredibly gifted and she still pursues her craft, and just this morning I went to school to go see a play that her class put on. Of course, high school theatre does not do her justice, but I'd go see her in anything.
That's three. I guess that's okay. But, I don't know. Seventeen years yielding... three true friends?
Honestly, I don't really value people. That's probably a bad thing. There is a very very small handful of people I truly value. I guess that's why I'm so indifferent about the prospect of letting some friends go, even if we've been "friends" for years. Honestly, those three aforementioned friends are, like, the only ones who really hold value in my life. There are other people who also do, but... we aren't as close, I guess? Like, we aren't in constant contact. So what I mean is that some people (for example, those who were with me in the cast of the professional show I did) are more valuable to me than the friend that keeps blowing me off, even though that friend has been pretty close for all of high school.
I guess it's really warped... the roles of people in my life.
But I love theatre. And that's always going to be my passion and priority, first and foremost. The opportunity for making friends can be found anywhere. So I'm not going to slow down for it. Frankly, I do not care about friends as much as I care about working towards being able to do something I love. Currently, in my life, those two things are pretty separated, and they may come together at some point, but, if not, that's fine, cause theatre (training, I guess, since that's what I'm currently working on) will always A L W A Y S take priority. I don't care if I have friends. I don't want to depend on friends. I do not need friends to be happy or feel fulfilled. Because for as long as I have my passion, I can be sure of myself.
Maybe I've just never had a good friend. Maybe I ever will. But who cares? Not me.
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Mansplaining
Mansplaining: when a man interrupts and belittles a woman during a conversation, allegedly assuming that he knows more about the topic than the woman.
I just watched a collage of short instances in which men interrupted women, and the primary argument of the video was, "Mansplaining needs to stop."
To me, it just looked like men interrupting. Men also interrupt other men. Women also interrupt men (and women alike) but the video did claim that women are more likely to be interrupted.
Interrupting is rude, but is gender the root of this? Maybe I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt, but I would not say that the men in these instances interrupted the women and spoke down to them (which they didn't even, really, they just insisted that they were correct) BECAUSE the person they were talking to was a women.
Of course, I could be incorrect. But I predict that, as many other issues go, this will be carried too far. I predict that, now that this term is coined and catching on, any time a man interrupts a woman will be "mansplaining."
These past few years have seen a lot of taking an issue, attributing it to an only relatively relevant cause, and then blowing it out of proportions to the point that the credibility of the argument is demolished.
I just watched a collage of short instances in which men interrupted women, and the primary argument of the video was, "Mansplaining needs to stop."
To me, it just looked like men interrupting. Men also interrupt other men. Women also interrupt men (and women alike) but the video did claim that women are more likely to be interrupted.
Interrupting is rude, but is gender the root of this? Maybe I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt, but I would not say that the men in these instances interrupted the women and spoke down to them (which they didn't even, really, they just insisted that they were correct) BECAUSE the person they were talking to was a women.
Of course, I could be incorrect. But I predict that, as many other issues go, this will be carried too far. I predict that, now that this term is coined and catching on, any time a man interrupts a woman will be "mansplaining."
These past few years have seen a lot of taking an issue, attributing it to an only relatively relevant cause, and then blowing it out of proportions to the point that the credibility of the argument is demolished.
The Catch 22
I've been thinking a lot about diversity and representation in theatre, because it is something I want to be an advocate for, but, in order to do that, I must know where I stand... so I've been thinking a lot about it.
And this has been frustrating me endlessly:
If a person is only certified to tell a story that they have experienced, then how could a play still be diverse? It seems like a Catch 22. If a play does not include representation of multiple races, it is critiqued for not being diverse. But if the author writes in characters that are of a different background than themselves, they are critiqued for trying to tell someone else's story.
Is there a way out of this puzzle??
And this has been frustrating me endlessly:
If a person is only certified to tell a story that they have experienced, then how could a play still be diverse? It seems like a Catch 22. If a play does not include representation of multiple races, it is critiqued for not being diverse. But if the author writes in characters that are of a different background than themselves, they are critiqued for trying to tell someone else's story.
Is there a way out of this puzzle??
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Part
I've been gone for a while and I'm back to complain. Duh.
Okay, when people say "part" instead of "role" (when talking about theatre or film). "She got a 'part' in the play'."
I don't even know where "part" came from, it's, like, demeaning, compared to "role." A second grader playing a blade of grass in the class play gets a "part."
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
Measures of Life
It's been a while, and I guess that's just because I've ranted mostly to actual people, over text. But then I remembered that I have this. So here goes.
I just heard a fragment of a conversation. A kid (college, of course) was saying - rather passionately - to his friend, "I've lived more than he has. I've lived more, I've BEEN to a party, I've been to MORE THAN A party-"
and then I passed them and didn't hear any more.
But just that. Just that idea that life is measured in parties.
I recognize that the statement doesn't mean that parties mean EVERYTHING in life, but, in my opinion, they certainly hold too much of a high reputation. If you tell someone that, throughout your four years of high school, that you've never been to a party, you most likely will hear something about "missing the college experience." "Live a little."
Everyone talks about who is the life of the party, when they really care more about how the party is their life.
Partying isn't for everyone. I'm not going to speak for everyone, but I am certainly going to speak for myself. I don't drink. Frankly, I like myself way too much to lose myself. (Please do not say I'm being cocky. My confidence has nothing to do with my comparison of myself to other. Please don't get them confused.) And when I socialize, I'd rather do so at full mental capacity WITH people who are at full mental capacity. Also, there are literally so many ways to socialize. You can go get food. You can just hang out. You can do a lot. You know that I don't really socialize much, but that's because it's not one of my top priorities, like, I haven't really found people that I care to give time to.
What I mean is that you can live without partying. You can measure your life in other ways. Measure life in moments you remember, not moments you're going to forget.
I just heard a fragment of a conversation. A kid (college, of course) was saying - rather passionately - to his friend, "I've lived more than he has. I've lived more, I've BEEN to a party, I've been to MORE THAN A party-"
and then I passed them and didn't hear any more.
But just that. Just that idea that life is measured in parties.
I recognize that the statement doesn't mean that parties mean EVERYTHING in life, but, in my opinion, they certainly hold too much of a high reputation. If you tell someone that, throughout your four years of high school, that you've never been to a party, you most likely will hear something about "missing the college experience." "Live a little."
Everyone talks about who is the life of the party, when they really care more about how the party is their life.
Partying isn't for everyone. I'm not going to speak for everyone, but I am certainly going to speak for myself. I don't drink. Frankly, I like myself way too much to lose myself. (Please do not say I'm being cocky. My confidence has nothing to do with my comparison of myself to other. Please don't get them confused.) And when I socialize, I'd rather do so at full mental capacity WITH people who are at full mental capacity. Also, there are literally so many ways to socialize. You can go get food. You can just hang out. You can do a lot. You know that I don't really socialize much, but that's because it's not one of my top priorities, like, I haven't really found people that I care to give time to.
What I mean is that you can live without partying. You can measure your life in other ways. Measure life in moments you remember, not moments you're going to forget.
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