Leaders of our Nation

All right, this is the first post (I think) where I'm gonna get into some controversial topics.
I'm just gonna put this out there: the presidential election is coming up later this year, and there has been much talk about it. And I'll be honest, I don't know as much I wish I do, regarding what democrats and republicans (and the other parties) stand for, but looking at the candidates for this upcoming election, I agree most with the ideas of Bernie Sanders. He's of the democratic party, and I've been raised in a republic household (also republic extended family, like I honestly cannot think of a single family member who is democratic). So I'd probably get some fire if I voice my agreements with Bernie Sanders. Also, I will be learning more about each candidate - and each party - and what they stand for, and my opinion may change before elections occur.

Anyways, what inspired this post was a Facebook status from a friend (a man in his 50s), noting that Ben Carson, Marco Rubio, and Ted Cruz are all committed Christians, so he would be satisfied if any of the three won the election.

And that prompted me to think... is it important that our nation be run by a Christian leader?
My initial instinct is to say yes, of course it does, because a Christian leader should inevitably encourage our nation to be more Christian-oriented, and, as a Christian, I would like that.
But the truth is that our nation cannot be classified as a "Christian nation." (Keep in mind that I do believe that the United States were founded on Christian foundation, and let's not forget that the founders of our nation were prompted largely by the prospect of religious freedom.) However, in the present day, there is an incredible amount of people in our nation who are of other religions - or no religion at all.
The president of the US should be a reflection of the people of the nation, and, because of the religious demographics of the US today, it wouldn't be absolutely necessary for the president to be Christian to reflect the people. (That's kind of sad, in my opinion. I don't endorse it. But that's the way it is.)

Don't take this to mean that the president should not be Christian.
There are many aspects that people will or will not agree with a candidate on. These range from economic aspects to social aspects to military aspects... and, while (according to me, at least, and other Christians) faith is the only opinion that matters, it isn't the only thing that requires an opinion. Again, though faith is basically the only thing holds weight in the end... we are electing a leader of our nation, not a leader of our church.

There are many decisions that a president will have to make that do not have anything to do with his religion. If it comes down to one man who is not a Christian but has a better understanding of what decisions to make when it comes to military involvement, health care, etc. versus a Christian man who is not equally equipped to made the wiser decisions regarding these matters, it should be evident that the non-Christian man would, in this case, be a more competent in the position as the leader of our nation.


I would appreciate having a president who proclaims his faith and love for God.
But I understand that the nation in which I reside does not determine my faith. It doesn't matter to God that I live in America. God will not love me - or any Christians - any less just because our country no longer collectively identifies with him, or that it is no longer led by one of his followers.

Our own walk with God is our own walk with God. I don't need the president to validate my faith.

Two Paragraphs

I'm studying for theatre history and I just read two paragraphs on Henrik Ibsen. The paragraphs began with his birth and ended with his death. His entire life was condensed into two (not even long) paragraphs. And this is a guy whose works are still renowned.

I started thinking about how my life would be summed up in two paragraphs. That's actually pretty easy, the core of ME would probably take about two paragraphs to write up, but... that's less of stuff I have done and more of what has happened to me/who I am.

I thought about writing two paragraphs that I think sum up my life, but I don't think it would be worthwhile.
I guess I haven't done enough yet.

Annasophie?

I changed my twitter handle.
I've wanted to for a while, mostly because it doesn't have my name ANYWHERE in it, also because I didn't want people to be confused. Not like I have many twitter friends anyways.
But it used to be akaAnnasophie (cause this blog ya know, something I made in middle school) and now it's StopMia2K16 and I guess I'll change it to match each year. That's just something I always text my friends when I do something kinda crazy, ya know, #StopMia2K16.

So yeah.
There's that.

Like Are You Sure

Y'all know that audition? I was so awful at it that I wasn't even sad when it's been more than a week and I hadn't heard back.
But then I did. Today. Just now, I got a callback. I'm so confused.
I know I did awful at that audition, it's not even debatable. But, either way, I'm nothing but grateful. I didn't ask God to bring me this far, but He has, and I'm entirely grateful for this. I will be going to callbacks and who knows what after that, but, whatever it is, it's His. I have no way of doing this myself, and everything that "I" accomplish isn't even me, I'm not good enough yet to get so far with what (little) skills I have to offer.
So there'll be another audition in which I think I'll sing something else (more info later) and then I might get invited to the dance call. We will see. God will prepare.

But, through this all, the glory is for God and I can send nothing but gratitude and recognition back his way.

You're On Your Own

The very first day of classes in college, I got back to my dorm and was feeling really, really defeated. I think it was because I was really tired of going to all these events, meeting people, and then not seeing them again.
The night before classes started, they had this freshman rally thing that everyone had to go to. Afterwards, I lost track of the people I had been with most of the evening, and I somehow ended up in conversation with some random girl as we walked back in the direction of the dorms. I think she started the conversation, but I'm not entirely sure, because I was up to meeting new people as well.
It was dark and I don't think I even saw her face, like, I have no idea what she looked like, and I forgot her name, too. Part of me tells me she was an RTF major, and part of me tells me that she absolutely was not that.
Either way, the first week of being at college was just a lot of events that were full of trying to meet people. But the thing was... I never saw any of those people again. There's not really any reason to continue a friendship, it's just so forced, and... it doesn't work out for anyone, really.

So after my classes on my first day of college, I remember being incredibly defeated. I really missed having friends around (which is the norm in high school). I was just really sad.
But here I am, after my classes on my first day of second semester, and I'm alone in my room eating an apple and writing this blog post. I'm fine.

I think the first and most prominent thing that college taught me was how to be alone. I've never had a fear of not fitting in, or a desire to always be with people. Usually, I've been like, "I'm going to this place, if y'all want to come, then that's great, I'll appreciate your company, but whether or not you're going, I'm going to go." I guess I'm independent. But I never really got to be independent until now, and what I mean by "independent" is by myself. I don't want to say alone, because I feel like that implies a negative connotation. Most people are afraid of "alone." Most people aren't "alone" by choice.

I don't think I even really have friends here. My grandmother asked me if I have "a lot of good friends at college" and I said, "No, not a lot of good friends" and she said, "Then a small amount of good friends? That's good too."
I didn't correct her, but I didn't mean that.
I'm completely okay with not having many friends right now, because I kind of feel like I don't have the time for them, and also I feel like you meet your people when you do. The best friendships happen, they're brought together by destiny, and there's no use actively trying to find them.

I spend a lot of time on my own. I'm in my dorm room or at the fine arts library (not studying, reading and checking out plays) or just wherever I feel like being. But I'm rarely with anyone else. And I prefer that. When the day comes that I am not okay with it, I'll change it.

But, for now, I know what I need to be doing, and that comes first. I'll patiently and happily wait for whatever - and whoever - is soon to come.

Lots of Issues, Address Them All

Real quick.
The whole thing about no African Americans being nominated for Oscars (way to go, Academy) and Jada Pinkett Smith boycotting them, and then the African American actor lady (forgot her name) who made a video response arguing against Jada. One of the first things she said was something along the lines of, "There are so many other problems in the world, and you're choosing to make a big deal about this?"

And that's what I disagree with.
Many people pull out that card, the "there are so many other things in the world that you should be worried about" but... that doesn't mean that the original issue at hand is nonexistent.
Let's put this in a different context. Let's say that Andy and Brian go to a bakery. Andy buys a chocolate chip cookie and then Brian gets awfully offended, saying, "There's literally so much in this bakery, there's pecan pie, there's brownies, there's banana bread, there's so much more, and you chose a cookie."
Like... so?
Just because other desserts exist in the bakery doesn't mean that there aren't chocolate chip cookies there to be bought and eaten and enjoyed.

Just because there are many, many problems in the world that deserve to receive an effort to fix them, it doesn't mean that problems in our comparatively privileged American society aren't valid problems. The under-representation of non-white people in film and on the stage is a very real issue. It affects more people than it does others, but it is happening and, unless people do things, it will remain.

Choose your fights. You can't fight for everything. You can and should only fight for the changes you most want to see.

Back at It

So winter break has ended.
Did it ever begin?
I'm not sure if I mentioned this on here, but I worked at a restaurant over the break (it was a takeout type place) and I worked basically every day. There was literally ONE day over the entire six weeks that I had off, and hadn't requested off. (The others were days that I actually had prior commitments, like going to UT for meeting with registrar. But that doesn't count in the books of the restaurant, so those were my "day off" for the week.) I worked a lot. And I got way more money than I was expecting to get. I set out to work because I wanted money to pay for my dance classes this semester, since I think I'll be going about two or three times a week. I quickly earned that much, and then more, but it's all going to go towards training. That's why I worked.
I lost so many days. I barely had time to see friends (I only saw a few) and there's so much that I was planning on doing over winter break that I didn't get to do. I planned on quickly going through all the plays I brought back home from the fine arts library. I brought back ten or twelve, just a lot, and usually I can sit down and read a couple of them (near the end of last semester I read a couple every day), but I just barely got through most of them. There are a couple that I'm still finishing. Also, I wanted to finish writing my own plays. I think I wrote, like, one scene of one play. There are four that I'm working on... one of them, I've written the second draft, but that one's kind of resting right now, it's a labor of love more than anything, as it's a story that I don't think will make it to production. But it was my first full-length play, and I am in love with the characters, and, if anything, it's teaching me I write best. And then I have one project that has a storyline written out, but no scenes yet. And then there's one that's still just an idea, but I'd love to do it. Each play is promising and of great value to me, and that's why I need to find a time to write when I'm feeling the particular scene. Otherwise it all comes out wrong.
Anyways, I was expecting to have those finished so that, at the start of this semester, I have something to bring to this one professor who I need to build a good relationship with, cause he can help me get into the theatre department. He's in charge of the playwriting portion of people, so I wanted to kind of give him a little bit of what writing I'm all about.
Hahaha. I got nothing.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I did nothing all winter break but work. It's like these days weren't even mine. But that's okay, I guess, if I'll see the benefits in the near future. I lost a winter break so that I can work even harder hahaha (in other words, take lessons to build my skills). It was a fair exchange. And I'm glad I did it.

But school starts tomorrow. And, without missing a beat, I'll be back at it.

Waiting on the Waitlist

All right, here's the deal. I have to take 18 hours of courses next semester (for reasons relating to my attempt to get into the theatre department for a double major) and I was looking to take Theatre History, which is in the TD (Theatre and Dance) department. The TD adviser told me to do this so that it'll increase my chances of getting accepted into TD.
Students actually have to have a form approved and signed in order to take more than 17 hours... so I got that form all taken care of, and I went to register for the TD. I was going to switch my Brit Lit class out for the TD, because there's a feature on the registration site that lets you choose a course to

^ break in writing in which I realized that I could actually do what I was real angry about not doing earlier, thinking that I had to wait until registration opened back up.

take off your schedule in the case that you get into the one you want instead. Following the adviser's advice, I put Brit Lit as the swap for both courses, and waited to see whichever one I got into first. The waitlist wasn't very long for either one, it was 6 people long for the earlier class (which I wanted) and 12 people for the later class (which I didn't really plan on getting into). I assumed that I would only get into the earlier one, so I planned my entire study/life schedule around that. But then I somehow actually got into the later class first... and then last night while I was asleep, got an email saying that there's a problem for registering me for a course (assuming the earlier time). That problem probably is the fact that I was registered for the limit number of hours of a course anyways, and it couldn't the course to my schedule, because it would push me over the limit.
So I checked my registration times to find out when I could drop courses (because I would drop the later time and see if it would let me into the earlier time) and the next time registration opens for me is THE DAY OF CLASS. I was real mad when I realized that I should have changed my swap class to the one I had just gotten into, so that if I got into the wanted time, I would be in that and out of the unwanted time. I was so mad because registration wasn't even gonna open up for another few days.
So I started writing this post. But then I realized that I could actually switch the swap class now. So I did it. And now I'm waiting.

We're All Dying

Earlier today I jokingly informed a friend that she eats way too much junk food to be healthy.
She shrugged and said, "We're all gonna die anyways."

And that attitude is what I want to address in this post.
"We're going to die anyways, so why not do whatever?" everyone ALWAYS says. And that really, REALLY annoys me. I'm not going to argue against the fact that everyone's going to die (it would be a straight up lie to argue against it) but it doesn't seem like a logical excuse to treat life carelessly.
All right, so like... why watch a movie if it's just going to end?
People don't watch films for the fact that they end (???????), they watch them for the story. And so it is with life. We're here for the story.
And I don't mean for this to be a "it's what you do in life that defines its worth" but more of a "okay, everyone knows we're going to die, but how does that even mean that you shouldn't try in life?"

This wasn't written in a well-structured way. But I'm exhausted and just thinking about the stupidity of this perspective is making me real irritated.
So I'll leave with this quote I found. And, now that I think about it, the quote is relatively irrelevant, but I really like it anyways, so here it is.

"You only live once? False. You live every day. You only die once."

About That Audition...

Okay, y'all know I said I'm auditioning for that show.
So I got a vocal coach, and she was like, "You're using head voice no no no no you can't do that you have to belt" and I was like, "I can't belt" and she was like, "lol you'd better though," and I was like, "wait no you don't understand, my chest voice literally does not go that high," and she was like, "saaaaang it," and I was like, "I sound like a goat," and she was like, "no trust it," and I was like, "wait okay I get this, kinda."
In short, she taught me what belting is and how to do it, and, honestly, I'm not even sure I do it right, but I could kinda kinda hit the notes? My chest voice for sure got stronger and louder, though. Anyways, the theatre sent us two songs to choose from (songs from the show) and said to prepare our own 32-bar contrasting cut from a musical not from the show. I chose 'If the Tables Were Turned' from A Little Princess (which I don't think is in anyone's book because the musical didn't end up going to Broadway, but it was Off-Broadway, and it's by Andrew Lippa, who's, like, real famous) because it was a nice contrast, and it also had a section that was more dreamy and legit, so I could actually use my head voice and get away with it. I'm actually really proud of myself for finding that song.
And I prepared my favorite song from the musical (somehow they chose it as one of the audition song) but it was like so hard because I had to belt it, and it was a lot... so... okay I didn't tell anyone this... but... I was so worried because the morning of the audition, I still could do it only like 40% of the time I tried... and... I decided... to do the other song instead... which I hadn't learned the lyrics to yet... AND I KNOW THAT'S AN ULTIMATE NO-NO FOR AUDITIONING, you're never ever supposed to sing something you don't know front and back, and actually you're not ever supposed to sing a new song just for an audition, but they gave us cuts anyways, so what's the different, but you definitely aren't supposed to change your mind the morning of.
Anyways, I forgot the words in the middle of my audition. Awesome. The words were so weird, like, it was such a tongue twister, and I was freaking out anyways, and it was, like, the last line, and, I mean, just, I was nervous, and it was bound to happen. Mistake made, good thing it was made early on and not at an audition where I actually had hope for a chance. Although... I don't think it was bad enough to convince me to never do it again, because I feel like I wouldn't have hit the belts for the original song.
Okay, I need to start from, like the beginning of the audition. I was second to go, probably because I submitted really fast after the call went up, and, walking into the audition room, I was like, "No no no no no no I need to go over the lyrics again, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING." But I walked in, and behind the table was the director of the show I did last year and the musical director. Not even the director of the show I was auditioning for. Which was good. Because it was good that he didn't see this disaster. Anyways, these two guys both jump up to give me huge, and ahhh it's just so good to replay that moment, you know, walking into an audition room completely unsure of what you're going to see, only to be greeted by friends you have worked with. Abe, the director of the show I did last year, has actually been such a big influence in my life, like, he wrote my college recommendation letter and referred to me the acting coach who helped me out with my college audition for my second major of theatre. Anyways, Abe is super important to me, and I'm so glad we've stayed in touch. He was there at my first audition, which was the scariest thing in my life, like he was there saying, "Whenever you're ready" and watching me take a breath - stop - couldn't do it - try again, take a break - ..nope. And even though my throat somehow decided to go all dried up on me in that audition room, and I didn't sound at all like I was hoping to, it was just really bad, in my opinion, although it was kind of a blur and I don't remember exactly what happened, it's okay, because it was Abe. And he's seen me at my worst, he's seen me at my best, and he's going to see me throughout my journey of life. So this was just a sentence in the story, another sentence in the introduction paragraph. Come on, I did this audition with only two voice lessons (within the span of only one week) under my belt. I'm going to continue taking lessons, and I KNOW that the next time I step into an audition room, 1) I'll actually be prepared this time because 2) I'll have a chance, so 3) I'll really bring it. And I don't think I'll get anything this time, but next time, I'll know exactly what to expect, and I will be confident, knowing that I'm so much better than I was at this one audition.
I just would have regretted not auditioning. Honestly, earlier in the day, I kind of contemplated not showing up, because I wasn't sure I'd be able to hit the notes, but I would regret it so much.
This theatre does A Christmas Carol every year, and it's this incredible new version of it, with lots of popular songs infused into it, and it's just a total spectacular scene and the pride of the theatre, and when I saw the audition calls, I got nervous. Like, I was just so nervous about this. I didn't audition, because I really wasn't emotionally ready. The thing is, you can't let yourself get too attached to the part or the show, because that makes you so much more nervous and so much more disappointed when you don't get it. But I was ready for this one. I made up my mind before the casting call went up, I was going to audition for it. Just I thought the auditions would be in, like, May. Wrong. But I went in through the entire process knowing that I don't really have a chance, let's be honest.
Next time, though. I'm going to audition for A Christmas Carol. That's something to work towards for this year. Auditions are usually in, like, October. But they keep most of the cast, except for the people who aren't able to do the show again, so, like, this year, there were only about four new cast members, all notorious performers. It's all right, though, and I'll audition for whatever show opens the season (auditions in the summer, somewhere, or in May). I'll just keep trying, because there's always that period of trying and being let down before you finally hit the good stuff. There's always that time, so I gotta spend it training as hard as I can in order for me to knock it out of the park someday.

Internship

I want to do a summer internship in NYC.
It would ideally have to do with theatre, but, if not, maybe advertising (though I imagine that would be more difficult, and, also, I don't know if I would want an advertising internship enough to work towards an internship there... though I probably would, but one that combines theatre and advertising/marketing would be ideal).
I would look for something related to casting, talent agencies, Broadway.com, The Broadway League, theatres in general...
And most of those internships, even the paid ones, don't cover living expenses, so maybe this is such a stretch, but what if I commuted from, like New Jersey? Honestly, that would be so much work to, like, rent an apartment or something for a summer.
This probably couldn't logistically work out, and I would use my own money to do it, which is kind of stupid and probably not going to happen, because I don't know if I should use lots of money to do an NYC internship, but I feel like if I can get a good internship there, it would be worth the money. Also, I don't know know how much I'm going to get financial support from my parents after I graduate, and I might kind of need so save my money for when I have less of that.
Or I should do the internship the summer after I graduate? ...no, I want to work towards an actual job out of graduation.
I'll wait on this. I need to make sure I still have an interest in doing this. And if I do it, I would need time to raise money. I'm not going to make, like, an Indiegogo or ask for sponsorship. Honestly, I don't really like when people do that, like, when they go on a trip and ask for sponsorship. If it's a mission trip, I get that, but if it's something like drum corps (which my brother did), I feel like, if you don't have the money, don't go. Asking other people for money in return for basically nothing would make me feel obligated to give something in return for each and every one of them. That's why, back when I was working towards a camera, I earned my own money for it. Cause if my parents bought it for me and I accidentally let something happen to it, I would feel really bad, because it was a gift. Also, I don't really have interest in expecting other people to give up money for an ambition that I decided to go for.
So I guess there are certain things that are okay to ask for sponsorship for, but I wouldn't do it for an internship in NYC.
We'll see. It would probably be the summer right before senior year, if I go. That means... in, like, two years. Two and a half. Let's go.

That Would Be Enough

So right now it's winter break, and I'm working at this restaurant in order to get money to pay for dance classes. Actually, that's how it started out, but I earned enough money for that within like a couple of weeks, and then I realized that I need vocal lessons as well, so I'm going for that, too. Basically, I'm working winter break so I can get trained this next semester.
Anyways, I'm sure that I'll get enough money for that (I actually think I'm just about crossing over my line of earning enough to cover the expenses) and that's the only thing that keeps me going through work. Work isn't BAD, it's just... kind of dulling, ya know?
Most of the people who work there are broke 20-somethings who would probably be a little less broke if they didn't buy so much weed. I'm by far the youngest, and also the only one who has stepped foot at a college. Most of them don't really care about what they're doing with their lives, you know, they don't have ambition. Their only goal is to "start working somewhere else" but they "never get around to doing it." Honestly, with that mindset and with their lousy work ethic, they're hopeless.
But there's this one guy, he's about 24, and he wants something more, but he's just frustrated that he can't get there. I don't know exactly what he wants (he says he doesn't, either) but it's probably something with either food (he really enjoys cooking) or music (he used to be in a band that never quite got off the ground). He doesn't like how all he does all day is deliver food and pack bags, but he doesn't DO anything about it. I was talking to him about how he feels about his life, and it seems like he really just hasn't thought about it. He says that he wants something more, and that he could probably do that if he wants to, but, for now, he's working here.
And I asked him, "What do you think is going to happen? Like, what are you waiting for?" and he got a bit flustered and said, "I don't know, all right?" so I let it slide.
Yesterday he came to me and told me that two different friends have offered him a position at the restaurants they work at. He said, "I was just thinking a lot about what you said to me, you know, like, 'just go out there and do it' and I think I might this time, you know, like what AM I waiting for?"
And I know that I'm working here because I need money to further pursue my own goals. The money is certain, I know I'll get that, but, as always, I was looking for something more.
If, at the time I have at this restaurant, I inspire someone to take the risk of their life and go for their dreams... that would make it all worth it. THAT, to me, would be more precious than the amount of training I will be getting this coming semester. Because being able to ignite that spark in someone, to be the reason they change themselves for the better, that's the most important thing to me. So if I could inspire just one person... that would be enough.

Old Friends

I had this friend when I was a kid.
She moved to my city from Louisiana, I think. Her name was Grace and she joined my preschool class in the middle of the year (my mom helped her get registered and everything). The preschool fed into a private school, and that's where I went up until eighth grade and where she went up until about seventh grade. In early elementary school, there were only three Asian girls: me, her, and our other main friend. (That's only if you count me, being half Asian, as Asian, which I'm going to do in this case because no one at the time ever cared about the entire half of me that was Caucasian.) We went to the same church together, too, so we were together six days of the week. Grace lived more or less in my neighborhood, so we would usually carpool to and from school, and I remember once, on the last day of school, we vowed that we would have a playdate every single day of the summer. We didn't. Though we really would have, if it was up to us.
One time I wore my fuzzy socks into her backyard and ended up getting all these pollen twigs (or something) stuck in them, and I couldn't pull them all out, and I ended up having to throw the socks away.
One time her mom was cooking some sort of food, or maybe it was some type of medicine, and it smelled legit so bad. And her dad tested their fire alarms that day.
One time we went swimming and when we got back, her mom had us all swab our ears with q-tips and was shocked when I said I didn't do that regularly.
One time my brother and I went to her house to sleep over because our parents were going somewhere for the night. Basically as soon as they left, I started crying because I missed them but I didn't want to admit that to Grace's parents, so, when they asked me what was wrong, I said that I missed the Dumbo VHS tape that I lost. And later that night, her mom made us girls (me, Grace, and her little sister) sleep in Grace's room while Nathan had to sleep alone in a bedroom across the hall. I think we were crying because we wanted to sleep in the same room. I guess we cried a lot. But her mom wouldn't have that, so Nathan and I blinked these little flashlights we had on the ends of our keychains that our dad gave us. We just blinked the flashlights back and forth.
One time, during a sleepover at her house - the other Asian friend was there too - we decided to wake up for a midnight snack, and it turned out to actually be 6:00am. We were rummaging around in the pantry and her mother came downstairs and got lowkey mad at us. Then she made us stay awake and she made us breakfast. At 6:00am. We never tried to get midnight snacks again after that.
One time we were really mad at each other for one reason or another, and we were sitting in angsty silence when she grabbed a stuffed animal, pressed a button inside of it, and it started moving and singing 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.' And we started laughing and couldn't stop.

One time, a couple of months after I started playing violin, I took her to one of my violin lessons. And she tried it out and started taking lessons.
One time I beat her in a chair test for orchestra. One time. Because...
One time she got better than me.
And it's just been like that. And somehow, along the way, I've developed this almost instinctual disdain when I think of her. I don't know where that came from. My mom always scoffed at everything Grace did, and maybe this was spurred off something about her parents or something I really honestly don't know anything about (it could be anything, or, then again, just cause it's my mom, it could be nothing). But, basically, somehow we weren't really friends anymore. We stopped carpooling to school and to orchestra. Somewhere in sixth grade, I told someone that Grace and I were enemies. I don't know where that came from.
Maybe there are things that I'm forgetting. Maybe there was a reason. But I can't think of it.
We stayed in orchestra up until high school graduation. We did youth orchestra together, and she was usually first chair (while I was barely in the front column of first violins... and even that was just senior year). And we talked occasionally, but I felt that those conversations were fused with false enthusiasm. Maybe it's just the way she speaks to everyone. I wouldn't know, I wasn't around her long enough to tell.
But violin was her thing. She's just really good.
She's at school at Eastman now. She's doing music... violin. And I bet that she would have played anyways, but it just so happens that I'm pretty sure I was her introduction to violin. I think I was her introduction to the very instrument that her life is composed mostly of.
I just kind of find that strange.
We influenced each other a lot. But now we don't ever talk, and I really can't think of any time in which I would expect to run into her again.

But there's that.
I wonder if - if I met her today - we would be friends.

Midnight Snacks

Whenever something is eaten at midnight, I guess it can be called a midnight snack. You know, just when you're up and it's around midnight and you're kinda hungry or you see something you want to eat so you eat it. And it's, like, midnight. And then you just do whatever you do until you go to bed.
That's a midnight snack, right?

But remember when we were kids and a midnight snack meant waking up from your sleep solely for the purpose of finding a snack at midnight, eating it, and then going back to bed?
The phrase "midnight snack" had such an adrenaline-rushed appeal, as if it was rebellion disguised as an innocent need.

I don't think I had many midnight snacks as a kid. I could never wake myself up for them.