For Document on Laptop

People need to realize that they by no means have control over who is in their life. Everyone has the choice of leaving a friendship, and that generally leads people to believe that they are in control over the existence of a relationship, but they often forget that it can equally be cut off by the other person as well. It's a shared power. In other words, not one person is more powerful than the other. Even if you think you have the upper hand, know that none of your friends are obligated to stay.

* CONT * This Summer!!

THIS IS CONTINUED FROM THE POST DIRECTLY UNDER!! It just got really long, so that one actually comes first!


Anyways, somewhere down the line, I decided to apply for the summer internship. I wrote a formal email cover letter and attached my resume and everything and submitted... and it was kind of funny because I totally know the dude that was the email correspondent. So it was like... he was setting up an interview time and it was really chill cause, like, we friends on facebook and I have his number in my phone and everything, like, WE FRIENDS. But I knew that I still had to be game-on at the interview because my competition had more experience and more education. I can't tell if me being already so involved with these camps made it harder or easier for me to get in. I don't know and it doesn't matter, anyways. I have to say that, in my opinion, I nailed my interview. The guy and this other girl (whom I hadn't met before) interviewed me, and I think the girl actually had more say over who gets the internships, so I guess I was good enough for her to like me.

I'm a little bit scared going into this. I know that it will be a little bit different from the other camps, as expectations are going to be higher. Also, the rest of the interns are older than me. I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest. One of them is actually one of my castmates from the show I did at my university last semester, so that's exciting. Another is one whom I've known of for a while, he's a senior this year at my university, but he looks and acts, like, 30. I've facebook stalked my fellow interns (there are ten of us, including me) and I think the three of us from my university are the only ones from my city. Also, I'm so so sure I'm actually the youngest. Which is cool. Because I'm the only one who's done stuff with this theatre and its education program. I know how these things work, I know the drill, I have SUCH a leg up. And that's kind of scary. I don't think I'm gonna mention that to the other interns, unless the camp staff sorta spills the beans for me. I don't expect to be treated any better than the rest of the interns... I mean, it's sort of tricky, with me being a veteran. I'm not going to assume anything, I don't know if it's a pro or a con, or if it makes any difference at all. I'll just do my best and know that the other interns may be better than me (in which case I will learn from them) or less knowledgeable than me (in which case I will allow them to learn from me, if they'd like).

I don't know what this will be like. I'm the young fish. But I'm also the only one who knows the drill. I have no doubt that this will be an incredible summer. Honestly, if I were to predict, I would say that me having experience at these camps is not going to make any difference, as everybody will have it down in a matter of two weeks anyways. Actually, I might even feel a little bit alienated if I pull up a tradition that they don't really know about. Or maybe I'll not quite fit in because I'm so much younger. I guess it's inevitable that I'll like some more than the others, though I want that idea to have to prove itself. Either way. It'll be a good summer. I feel it in my bones.

This Summer!!

Okay okay okay listen up!!

I am so excited about this summer.

I'm interning at a theatre that is near and dear to my heart, and I'm actually so glad that I've been able to build and maintain connections here. I became involved with this theatre when I did a professional show here last season. I knew that this held too many opportunities to throw away (even if they did require quite a bit of pursuing), so I kept it up and stayed involved. One of my castmates asked me if I was planning on applying to be a counselor at the camps during the summer. There are eleven (separate) weeks of camp at this theatre as part of the education program. There are about ten different groups each week, broken up into age groups. Each age group (well... it kind of goes lower elementary, upper elementary, middle school, high school) has different types of camps available, and anyways, it's a cool deal. There are about fourteen kids in each group, and each group is assigned to one intern. The interns are there for the entire summer. They don't always teach the same age group, and, near the end of the summer, they get to teach on their own.

The elementary aged camps have also have a counselor in their group. The counselors are high school kids who apply and are selected to be a right-hand man to the interns. They generally are only at one to three camps over the summer.

I was a counselor for two weeks last summer, and I absolutely admired the interns I was assigned to. I was actually way more enraptured by the guy I had the first week I was there... he worked with such purpose and charisma that I was honestly inspired to be my very best self 100% of the time. He's just one of those people who, once you've found them, you know you cannot afford to let go. He kind of made my world go round, and I'm so so lucky to still be in contact with him. He came to see a show I was in last semester (he was one of the only friends I told about the show, and I gave him one of my comp tickets) and I went to go see him in a devised piece at his university.

I could talk about him forever, but I'm off track.

Basically, now you see that I really really really really admired him and looked up to him. And I looked up to the intern I worked with the second week, too. These people were... wow! I just wanted to be like them, and I tried to hard to quickly learn from their ways.

This kind of fell into place perfectly. The lady named Kate was in charge of the counselors, and after my last day of camp, I shot her an email to thank her for the opportunity. Then, months later, as I was preparing for my audition for my university's theatre and dance department, I asked the director (of the show I was in) if he had any suggestions for acting coaches to help me with my audition pieces. He recommended Kate, and CC'ed her into the email. She quickly reached out to me, and we set up lesson times. She helped me so much. So much. But that's another story. Anyways, after I completed my lessons and was all ready for my audition, she asked me if I would be interested in interning for the winter break camps. There were two three day camps, and she wanted to know if I would intern... so I would get paid, have my own groups, just like the summer interns, but a little less would be expected from me, as I wouldn't have had the training that the summer interns get. So of course I jumped on the chance. Winter camps were great, and then I was invited back for a one day camp and then the spring break camps. The other interns for these camps were either high school seniors or other college freshmen... and summer interns have at least half their college career under their belt, if not all. Anyways, I'm actually the only person who was there for all four weeks of camp (and those were the only camps that there were during the school year). I'm not sure if others were invited to all, but turned down the offers... anyways, I was the only one there for all of it.

I'm breaking this into two posts. I didn't know I would end up explaining EVERYTHING hahaha....

Free of Friends

Friends do little more than disappoint, I feel like.

This past week as I've come back home for the summer, many friends have demonstrated their lack of effort in friendship. One particular friend has made plans with me and then flaked out... I think about five times in the past week. And today I ran into a mutual friend, who mentioned that she saw friend just yesterday. Which is.. like... (I'm not personally offended, I really don't care what this idiot does) sort of shady.

Really, out of all the friends I've had for seventeen years of my life, three have stuck. There's my best friend who's been my best friend ever since fifth grade. And then there's one who's a junior in high school now, and he's the only one who still texts me. And he lets me give him advice, which I love doing. And then there's one who has been a dear friend for about three or four years... we were brought together by a mutual friend when I was looking for a cast for one of my short films in early high school. This friend is incredibly gifted and she still pursues her craft, and just this morning I went to school to go see a play that her class put on. Of course, high school theatre does not do her justice, but I'd go see her in anything.

That's three. I guess that's okay. But, I don't know. Seventeen years yielding... three true friends?

Honestly, I don't really value people. That's probably a bad thing. There is a very very small handful of people I truly value. I guess that's why I'm so indifferent about the prospect of letting some friends go, even if we've been "friends" for years. Honestly, those three aforementioned friends are, like, the only ones who really hold value in my life. There are other people who also do, but... we aren't as close, I guess? Like, we aren't in constant contact. So what I mean is that some people (for example, those who were with me in the cast of the professional show I did) are more valuable to me than the friend that keeps blowing me off, even though that friend has been pretty close for all of high school.

I guess it's really warped... the roles of people in my life.

But I love theatre. And that's always going to be my passion and priority, first and foremost. The opportunity for making friends can be found anywhere. So I'm not going to slow down for it. Frankly, I do not care about friends as much as I care about working towards being able to do something I love. Currently, in my life, those two things are pretty separated, and they may come together at some point, but, if not, that's fine, cause theatre (training, I guess, since that's what I'm currently working on) will always A L W A Y S take priority. I don't care if I have friends. I don't want to depend on friends. I do not need friends to be happy or feel fulfilled. Because for as long as I have my passion, I can be sure of myself.

Maybe I've just never had a good friend. Maybe I ever will. But who cares? Not me.

Mansplaining

Mansplaining: when a man interrupts and belittles a woman during a conversation, allegedly assuming that he knows more about the topic than the woman.

I just watched a collage of short instances in which men interrupted women, and the primary argument of the video was, "Mansplaining needs to stop."

To me, it just looked like men interrupting. Men also interrupt other men. Women also interrupt men (and women alike) but the video did claim that women are more likely to be interrupted.

Interrupting is rude, but is gender the root of this? Maybe I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt, but I would not say that the men in these instances interrupted the women and spoke down to them (which they didn't even, really, they just insisted that they were correct) BECAUSE the person they were talking to was a women.

Of course, I could be incorrect. But I predict that, as many other issues go, this will be carried too far. I predict that, now that this term is coined and catching on, any time a man interrupts a woman will be "mansplaining."

These past few years have seen a lot of taking an issue, attributing it to an only relatively relevant cause, and then blowing it out of proportions to the point that the credibility of the argument is demolished.

The Catch 22

I've been thinking a lot about diversity and representation in theatre, because it is something I want to be an advocate for, but, in order to do that, I must know where I stand... so I've been thinking a lot about it.
And this has been frustrating me endlessly:
If a person is only certified to tell a story that they have experienced, then how could a play still be diverse? It seems like a Catch 22. If a play does not include representation of multiple races, it is critiqued for not being diverse. But if the author writes in characters that are of a different background than themselves, they are critiqued for trying to tell someone else's story.

Is there a way out of this puzzle??

Part

I've been gone for a while and I'm back to complain. Duh.

Okay, when people say "part" instead of "role" (when talking about theatre or film). "She got a 'part' in the play'."

I don't even know where "part" came from, it's, like, demeaning, compared to "role." A second grader playing a blade of grass in the class play gets a "part."