For Document on Laptop

People need to realize that they by no means have control over who is in their life. Everyone has the choice of leaving a friendship, and that generally leads people to believe that they are in control over the existence of a relationship, but they often forget that it can equally be cut off by the other person as well. It's a shared power. In other words, not one person is more powerful than the other. Even if you think you have the upper hand, know that none of your friends are obligated to stay.

* CONT * This Summer!!

THIS IS CONTINUED FROM THE POST DIRECTLY UNDER!! It just got really long, so that one actually comes first!


Anyways, somewhere down the line, I decided to apply for the summer internship. I wrote a formal email cover letter and attached my resume and everything and submitted... and it was kind of funny because I totally know the dude that was the email correspondent. So it was like... he was setting up an interview time and it was really chill cause, like, we friends on facebook and I have his number in my phone and everything, like, WE FRIENDS. But I knew that I still had to be game-on at the interview because my competition had more experience and more education. I can't tell if me being already so involved with these camps made it harder or easier for me to get in. I don't know and it doesn't matter, anyways. I have to say that, in my opinion, I nailed my interview. The guy and this other girl (whom I hadn't met before) interviewed me, and I think the girl actually had more say over who gets the internships, so I guess I was good enough for her to like me.

I'm a little bit scared going into this. I know that it will be a little bit different from the other camps, as expectations are going to be higher. Also, the rest of the interns are older than me. I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest. One of them is actually one of my castmates from the show I did at my university last semester, so that's exciting. Another is one whom I've known of for a while, he's a senior this year at my university, but he looks and acts, like, 30. I've facebook stalked my fellow interns (there are ten of us, including me) and I think the three of us from my university are the only ones from my city. Also, I'm so so sure I'm actually the youngest. Which is cool. Because I'm the only one who's done stuff with this theatre and its education program. I know how these things work, I know the drill, I have SUCH a leg up. And that's kind of scary. I don't think I'm gonna mention that to the other interns, unless the camp staff sorta spills the beans for me. I don't expect to be treated any better than the rest of the interns... I mean, it's sort of tricky, with me being a veteran. I'm not going to assume anything, I don't know if it's a pro or a con, or if it makes any difference at all. I'll just do my best and know that the other interns may be better than me (in which case I will learn from them) or less knowledgeable than me (in which case I will allow them to learn from me, if they'd like).

I don't know what this will be like. I'm the young fish. But I'm also the only one who knows the drill. I have no doubt that this will be an incredible summer. Honestly, if I were to predict, I would say that me having experience at these camps is not going to make any difference, as everybody will have it down in a matter of two weeks anyways. Actually, I might even feel a little bit alienated if I pull up a tradition that they don't really know about. Or maybe I'll not quite fit in because I'm so much younger. I guess it's inevitable that I'll like some more than the others, though I want that idea to have to prove itself. Either way. It'll be a good summer. I feel it in my bones.

This Summer!!

Okay okay okay listen up!!

I am so excited about this summer.

I'm interning at a theatre that is near and dear to my heart, and I'm actually so glad that I've been able to build and maintain connections here. I became involved with this theatre when I did a professional show here last season. I knew that this held too many opportunities to throw away (even if they did require quite a bit of pursuing), so I kept it up and stayed involved. One of my castmates asked me if I was planning on applying to be a counselor at the camps during the summer. There are eleven (separate) weeks of camp at this theatre as part of the education program. There are about ten different groups each week, broken up into age groups. Each age group (well... it kind of goes lower elementary, upper elementary, middle school, high school) has different types of camps available, and anyways, it's a cool deal. There are about fourteen kids in each group, and each group is assigned to one intern. The interns are there for the entire summer. They don't always teach the same age group, and, near the end of the summer, they get to teach on their own.

The elementary aged camps have also have a counselor in their group. The counselors are high school kids who apply and are selected to be a right-hand man to the interns. They generally are only at one to three camps over the summer.

I was a counselor for two weeks last summer, and I absolutely admired the interns I was assigned to. I was actually way more enraptured by the guy I had the first week I was there... he worked with such purpose and charisma that I was honestly inspired to be my very best self 100% of the time. He's just one of those people who, once you've found them, you know you cannot afford to let go. He kind of made my world go round, and I'm so so lucky to still be in contact with him. He came to see a show I was in last semester (he was one of the only friends I told about the show, and I gave him one of my comp tickets) and I went to go see him in a devised piece at his university.

I could talk about him forever, but I'm off track.

Basically, now you see that I really really really really admired him and looked up to him. And I looked up to the intern I worked with the second week, too. These people were... wow! I just wanted to be like them, and I tried to hard to quickly learn from their ways.

This kind of fell into place perfectly. The lady named Kate was in charge of the counselors, and after my last day of camp, I shot her an email to thank her for the opportunity. Then, months later, as I was preparing for my audition for my university's theatre and dance department, I asked the director (of the show I was in) if he had any suggestions for acting coaches to help me with my audition pieces. He recommended Kate, and CC'ed her into the email. She quickly reached out to me, and we set up lesson times. She helped me so much. So much. But that's another story. Anyways, after I completed my lessons and was all ready for my audition, she asked me if I would be interested in interning for the winter break camps. There were two three day camps, and she wanted to know if I would intern... so I would get paid, have my own groups, just like the summer interns, but a little less would be expected from me, as I wouldn't have had the training that the summer interns get. So of course I jumped on the chance. Winter camps were great, and then I was invited back for a one day camp and then the spring break camps. The other interns for these camps were either high school seniors or other college freshmen... and summer interns have at least half their college career under their belt, if not all. Anyways, I'm actually the only person who was there for all four weeks of camp (and those were the only camps that there were during the school year). I'm not sure if others were invited to all, but turned down the offers... anyways, I was the only one there for all of it.

I'm breaking this into two posts. I didn't know I would end up explaining EVERYTHING hahaha....

Free of Friends

Friends do little more than disappoint, I feel like.

This past week as I've come back home for the summer, many friends have demonstrated their lack of effort in friendship. One particular friend has made plans with me and then flaked out... I think about five times in the past week. And today I ran into a mutual friend, who mentioned that she saw friend just yesterday. Which is.. like... (I'm not personally offended, I really don't care what this idiot does) sort of shady.

Really, out of all the friends I've had for seventeen years of my life, three have stuck. There's my best friend who's been my best friend ever since fifth grade. And then there's one who's a junior in high school now, and he's the only one who still texts me. And he lets me give him advice, which I love doing. And then there's one who has been a dear friend for about three or four years... we were brought together by a mutual friend when I was looking for a cast for one of my short films in early high school. This friend is incredibly gifted and she still pursues her craft, and just this morning I went to school to go see a play that her class put on. Of course, high school theatre does not do her justice, but I'd go see her in anything.

That's three. I guess that's okay. But, I don't know. Seventeen years yielding... three true friends?

Honestly, I don't really value people. That's probably a bad thing. There is a very very small handful of people I truly value. I guess that's why I'm so indifferent about the prospect of letting some friends go, even if we've been "friends" for years. Honestly, those three aforementioned friends are, like, the only ones who really hold value in my life. There are other people who also do, but... we aren't as close, I guess? Like, we aren't in constant contact. So what I mean is that some people (for example, those who were with me in the cast of the professional show I did) are more valuable to me than the friend that keeps blowing me off, even though that friend has been pretty close for all of high school.

I guess it's really warped... the roles of people in my life.

But I love theatre. And that's always going to be my passion and priority, first and foremost. The opportunity for making friends can be found anywhere. So I'm not going to slow down for it. Frankly, I do not care about friends as much as I care about working towards being able to do something I love. Currently, in my life, those two things are pretty separated, and they may come together at some point, but, if not, that's fine, cause theatre (training, I guess, since that's what I'm currently working on) will always A L W A Y S take priority. I don't care if I have friends. I don't want to depend on friends. I do not need friends to be happy or feel fulfilled. Because for as long as I have my passion, I can be sure of myself.

Maybe I've just never had a good friend. Maybe I ever will. But who cares? Not me.

Mansplaining

Mansplaining: when a man interrupts and belittles a woman during a conversation, allegedly assuming that he knows more about the topic than the woman.

I just watched a collage of short instances in which men interrupted women, and the primary argument of the video was, "Mansplaining needs to stop."

To me, it just looked like men interrupting. Men also interrupt other men. Women also interrupt men (and women alike) but the video did claim that women are more likely to be interrupted.

Interrupting is rude, but is gender the root of this? Maybe I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt, but I would not say that the men in these instances interrupted the women and spoke down to them (which they didn't even, really, they just insisted that they were correct) BECAUSE the person they were talking to was a women.

Of course, I could be incorrect. But I predict that, as many other issues go, this will be carried too far. I predict that, now that this term is coined and catching on, any time a man interrupts a woman will be "mansplaining."

These past few years have seen a lot of taking an issue, attributing it to an only relatively relevant cause, and then blowing it out of proportions to the point that the credibility of the argument is demolished.

The Catch 22

I've been thinking a lot about diversity and representation in theatre, because it is something I want to be an advocate for, but, in order to do that, I must know where I stand... so I've been thinking a lot about it.
And this has been frustrating me endlessly:
If a person is only certified to tell a story that they have experienced, then how could a play still be diverse? It seems like a Catch 22. If a play does not include representation of multiple races, it is critiqued for not being diverse. But if the author writes in characters that are of a different background than themselves, they are critiqued for trying to tell someone else's story.

Is there a way out of this puzzle??

Part

I've been gone for a while and I'm back to complain. Duh.

Okay, when people say "part" instead of "role" (when talking about theatre or film). "She got a 'part' in the play'."

I don't even know where "part" came from, it's, like, demeaning, compared to "role." A second grader playing a blade of grass in the class play gets a "part."

Measures of Life

It's been a while, and I guess that's just because I've ranted mostly to actual people, over text. But then I remembered that I have this. So here goes.

I just heard a fragment of a conversation. A kid (college, of course) was saying - rather passionately - to his friend, "I've lived more than he has. I've lived more, I've BEEN to a party, I've been to MORE THAN A party-"

and then I passed them and didn't hear any more.

But just that. Just that idea that life is measured in parties.

I recognize that the statement doesn't mean that parties mean EVERYTHING in life, but, in my opinion, they certainly hold too much of a high reputation. If you tell someone that, throughout your four years of high school, that you've never been to a party, you most likely will hear something about "missing the college experience." "Live a little."

Everyone talks about who is the life of the party, when they really care more about how the party is their life.

Partying isn't for everyone. I'm not going to speak for everyone, but I am certainly going to speak for myself. I don't drink. Frankly, I like myself way too much to lose myself. (Please do not say I'm being cocky. My confidence has nothing to do with my comparison of myself to other. Please don't get them confused.) And when I socialize, I'd rather do so at full mental capacity WITH people who are at full mental capacity. Also, there are literally so many ways to socialize. You can go get food. You can just hang out. You can do a lot. You know that I don't really socialize much, but that's because it's not one of my top priorities, like, I haven't really found people that I care to give time to.

What I mean is that you can live without partying. You can measure your life in other ways. Measure life in moments you remember, not moments you're going to forget.

Newsies Anniversary Year Two

I saw Newsies on Broadway exactly two years ago. The flame hasn't burned out.

Unnecessary Noises

When I log into my laptop, it makes a little sound to, I guess, acknowledge that I'm logging in.

I don't like it.

Cause when I'm logging in in class or in the morning while my roommate is still asleep (right now) and I forget to put the laptop on mute, it makes the sound and ugh.

Immature Either Way

Adults making jokes referencing sex displays the same immaturity as children making jokes referencing poop.


Though I'd rather not laugh about them, there are certain jokes that reference sex that are, admittedly, witty and well thought-out. However, the bulk of jokes referencing sex are initiated by the train of thought, "I can make this vaguely about sex and then it will be funny!"

It's not funny. The word "sex" is not a free ticket to humor. So don't roll your eyes at children who make a joke implying "you just pooped!" if you make jokes implying "you must have just had sex" (or something of the sort).

It's tactless, thoughtless, and straight up cheap and ineffective humor.

Cookies and Stuff

I'm just gonna put this here

http://thealmondeater.com/2015/07/no-bake-superfood-breakfast-cookies/

http://apple-of-my-eye.com/2014/10/17/baked-chocolate-chip-cookie-oatmeal/

Don't Joke About It

Don't joke about my race. Don't joke about my inclinations with theatre. I wish I could think of a third one just for rhetoric purposes, but I can't think of one. These are the two that I come into contact with far too many times.

Don't joke about these things, because I get that you're kidding, but I'm not.

Especially theatre, don't tell me that I'm wrong when I research the daylights out of a show I'm about to see, don't tell me that I'm wrong when I go to an audition I know I don't have a chance for, don't tell me I'm wrong when I look up to Broadway performers. ESPECIALLY if you aren't even cultured in the current theatre scene... and EVEN MORE ESPECIALLY if you don't know a thing about theatre. I get defensive about these things, because it's my passion, and I don't need someone's light hearted jest to imply that I'm wrong on a subject regarding my opinion on something that occupies a large majority of my efforts.

And don't joke about my race. I know I'm half Asian. But don't stereotype me. Actually, it shouldn't even make sense for me to be placed in a stereotype because I'm half, and there aren't stereotypes for half cause no one really acknowledges us. I NEVER get labeled with a white stereotype, it's always an Asian stereotype. But whatever it is, do not joke about it.

I respect race and theatre far too much to make jokes at it. And if you grind my gears about it, I WILL call you out and I WILL abruptly stop the "for fun" conversation to chew you out on it.

My boundaries are pretty far apart, there's a lot that flies, but these things do not. There are many things I can "take a joke" about, but never these things. Do not try me.

Telling Things

This past weekend I went on a retreat with the church group that I was kinda sorta half-heartedly (not even, more, like, quarter-heartedly) going to.

I don't know what I was waiting for. Maybe I was waiting for an event (like a retreat) that would connect me with more people, instead of slowly meeting everyone one by one. Maybe I was waiting to see what it was all really about. I think I was really just waiting for an invitation. And they did that, they offered me invitations to Wednesday night worships and everything, and it wasn't that I wasn't interested, it was just that I didn't really feel motivation.

And now I do. I like these people, and I like what LFC (the group) has to offer. So I've been at the campus center, like, every day this past week, cause there's always someone there.

Last night, someone even made squash and turkey chili and brought it for dinner for whoever happened to be there. Like, this happens all the time.

You know how I've said lots about not really having a desire for friends, right? And by that I mean that I don't really SEEK friendship unless it's something that is worth pursuing. So if someone can be good for me, if I can be good for someone, if we can be good for each other, then that's great. But I'm not gonna go LOOK for that and like spend time on friendships that aren't, like, (this sounds bad, but I don't mean it in a bad way) beneficial.

These people are smart, though. They're funny and kind and accepting and they're good people, and I do want them around and I do want to be around them.

I'll sit down and tell you a lot. I've done that already with most of them, I tell them a lot. It's mostly theatre related stuff. But that's just... you know, I don't mind everyone knowing that. And I feel like I'm a pretty open person, I literally do not think I have any secrets. There's not much about me that I would feel uncomfortable for a stranger to know (besides like where I live and stuff).

But with LFC, I know that I'm gonna be up and personal with them, cause that's just the kind of relationship you need with church friends. But HOW personal? HOW deep am I gonna go? And I surprised myself with this, but... I thought I was open? And now I'm realizing that maybe I'm not as open as I think. Because a LOT of the core emotions inside of me, my ambition, it's all stuff I don't talk about, due to the nature of my dream (theatre). Like, auditions, I don't talk about them. I only told one friend about that audition that I went to earlier. During the entire process of submitting and the callbacks and everything, the only people who knew were that single friend, my family, and my vocal coach. I don't talk about these things. I don't talk about my ambitions, and, if I do, it is because I have already made sure that I most likely won't be able to fail at it, it's mostly already set in stone. And that's because I don't want people to see me fail. I know that I will, but people who don't understand theatre don't get that failure is such a big part of the industry. But, regardless... if people only say the things that I get, they'd be like, "Mia always gets what she goes for, wow." And I want that. It's not really true, but, hey. I'd like that reputation. I don't want people to think I'm perfect or anything, or without failure, but it would be nice for people just to see the positive parts. Maybe I'm being dishonest. I don't think so, at least not yet.

Anyways, I'm just wondering how much I'm going to end up telling them. I don't think I want to be saying much, because they don't understand it, they're not theatre people. There's a specific type of person/friend for those things, and LFC is just not going to be that. And that's okay.

I'm Not Patient.

I think my biggest shortcoming is that I'm not patient.

I start taking dance lessons, I wanna be GOOD. As SOON as I can. I start taking vocal lesson, I wanna be GOOD. As SOON as I can.

But these things take time. And I'm having a hard time settling with that. I think that's good though, maybe I shouldn't settle with it, because I need this drive. I have to have this drive or else I won't do things.

And that's another thing. I need to have something coming up in order to feel motivated. I already said this, but after that audition, I just couldn't focus. I still haven't really gotten it back up, but just today I learned what the summer show next year will be, and I am so ready to go at this hard. I think. I mean, it's something I think I have sort of a chance for... I'm not exactly the right ethnicity, but I am not white and that's emphasized, that the cast members shouldn't really be white. Anyways, some things might go my way, some might not, I need to learn hip hop dance, and that's it. We'll see how it goes. But now I feel more of a drive. I know what I'm working towards.

But that's bad. because I am assigning too much value to these fleeting things. I need to be motivated even when I don't have an audition coming up. And I need to get out and audition more and get rejected more, so that I don't have JUST THIS ONE big audition coming up and that's like the only thing I'm in the run for, so it'll have less of an effect when/if I don't get it.

Anyways, though, that's kind of how I'm wired right now.

But I think that's the one thing I should be working towards. I think. Patience. I haven't figured out if impatience is good or bad for me yet. It sounds bad, because it sounds like it makes me keep letting myself down, falling short of my own expectations, but... I shouldn't lift myself too high, either.