Honestly, ever since this past weekend, I just haven't really been up to it.
For the last month or so, in preparation for my callbacks, I would go to the gym every day, count every calorie, practice tap every day (all the way across campus in the Rec center), and practice singing every day in the music building, even though it terrified me because I'm still not confident with my voice.
But now that there's nothing really to work towards, I'm... just really not up for it.
I guess I'm propelled by "the next thing", you know, what I'm working towards next. And I don't know what that is right now. I should follow my own advice and realize that a work in progress is also a destination (as long as you keep working), but it's kind of hard to really lock in.
It's not that I'm letting myself loose, it's just that I had been holding myself so tight up until the callbacks, really, I worked so hard, and now it's just... more normal, I guess.
I need a reason to get back into doing things hardcore, but it's just not here right now. Because all of that hard work was geared towards those callbacks, and I need to learn what it means to work hard for things in general so that I'll be ready for whatever shows up.
But that's all. That's just what's going on, and I kind of wanted to shout it out.
