Dear God... this is crazy. I can't even believe you did this. How you continue to make the impossible happen, I'll never know. But the further I get in this, the harder it is to remember that this is yours. I feel accomplishment, and that's good, but I can't let it get in the way of understanding that I agreed that this doesn't belong to me, it was for you from the start. It's incredible, I've gotten so much further than I would have on my own.
But this is for you. You let me do this. You gave me the newfound bit of confidence, just enough to push me to being good enough for today. You gave me the privilege of walking into the room and there being someone to greet me with a hug and good conversation. It's all from you, honestly, and I'm not sure what I've done to deserve it. I guess that's because I don't. I haven't worked hard enough to get what I get. It doesn't matter how I think of it, it just doesn't add up, and the only explanation is your greatness and grace.
It's been for you every step of the way, and if I make it through the end, it will be so for you. It's not something I could do on my own, and it's only right that I give you the glory. And I know that I don't feel that 100%, and I think it's that I'm trying to detach myself from it (because it's not mine anyways) or maybe it's because I just really don't think I'll even have to make the choice to give the glory of the end to you. I'll be honest, I'm not really sure I'll have the strength to hand it all to you. But I know that, with your help, it shouldn't and won't be a problem. I don't even know if I can give what I promise, but I'll PROMISE that I'll give you what I can.
This isn't something you need. No matter who gets cast, it's going to be your children, and you don't need for it to be me. But if you do make it me, I'll do my best and I'll try my hardest to be a light for you. I've been your vessel all this way, and it only makes sense that I carry that out.
But I'll need your help. I don't have any doubt that you'll be with me every single step and second, but I doubt my own ability to give it to you in the fullest. I'll forget. I'll get too wrapped up in it. I'll get scared. I'll get ashamed. I'll get too cautious. I'm not strong enough for this. But if you can bring me to the point at which I am tested, that alone will be proof that your strength is enough to reinforce mine.
We're a team, yeah? We're in this together, I'm doing the things here and you're doing all the other big things that I'll never even know about. I'll never even KNOW what you made happen in order for this all to fall into place. I'll never know, but I thank you endlessly.
Thank you. This has been more than I could have asked for. This has been a true lesson in discipline with the craft and a close examination of what I'm here to do and what you send me out to do.
I don't know what's next. I don't even know what I would choose if you gave me the choice to dictate the future. I want you to do that. Whatever it is, just do it, whatever you need me to do to fulfill your plan, because what you have in mind for me is far more incredible than anything I could ever dream up. I trust you. I might not like it sometimes, but this isn't even about me. I'll just have to get over myself so that I can wholeheartedly serve you wherever I am, and so I can put my absolute best foot forward in whatever situation you place me in.
Do what you want. After all, it's really all yours. Thank you again, thank you... I'm in a state of middle ground where I KNOW that I don't completely understand everything that has happened, is happening, and is going to happen.
But I do know that it's okay that I don't understand completely. You're with me, for as long as I'm with you... and even after.
We'll do this. Stay with me. I'm following you.
Glory to You today and always.
