I don't know what I was waiting for. Maybe I was waiting for an event (like a retreat) that would connect me with more people, instead of slowly meeting everyone one by one. Maybe I was waiting to see what it was all really about. I think I was really just waiting for an invitation. And they did that, they offered me invitations to Wednesday night worships and everything, and it wasn't that I wasn't interested, it was just that I didn't really feel motivation.
And now I do. I like these people, and I like what LFC (the group) has to offer. So I've been at the campus center, like, every day this past week, cause there's always someone there.
Last night, someone even made squash and turkey chili and brought it for dinner for whoever happened to be there. Like, this happens all the time.
You know how I've said lots about not really having a desire for friends, right? And by that I mean that I don't really SEEK friendship unless it's something that is worth pursuing. So if someone can be good for me, if I can be good for someone, if we can be good for each other, then that's great. But I'm not gonna go LOOK for that and like spend time on friendships that aren't, like, (this sounds bad, but I don't mean it in a bad way) beneficial.
These people are smart, though. They're funny and kind and accepting and they're good people, and I do want them around and I do want to be around them.
I'll sit down and tell you a lot. I've done that already with most of them, I tell them a lot. It's mostly theatre related stuff. But that's just... you know, I don't mind everyone knowing that. And I feel like I'm a pretty open person, I literally do not think I have any secrets. There's not much about me that I would feel uncomfortable for a stranger to know (besides like where I live and stuff).
But with LFC, I know that I'm gonna be up and personal with them, cause that's just the kind of relationship you need with church friends. But HOW personal? HOW deep am I gonna go? And I surprised myself with this, but... I thought I was open? And now I'm realizing that maybe I'm not as open as I think. Because a LOT of the core emotions inside of me, my ambition, it's all stuff I don't talk about, due to the nature of my dream (theatre). Like, auditions, I don't talk about them. I only told one friend about that audition that I went to earlier. During the entire process of submitting and the callbacks and everything, the only people who knew were that single friend, my family, and my vocal coach. I don't talk about these things. I don't talk about my ambitions, and, if I do, it is because I have already made sure that I most likely won't be able to fail at it, it's mostly already set in stone. And that's because I don't want people to see me fail. I know that I will, but people who don't understand theatre don't get that failure is such a big part of the industry. But, regardless... if people only say the things that I get, they'd be like, "Mia always gets what she goes for, wow." And I want that. It's not really true, but, hey. I'd like that reputation. I don't want people to think I'm perfect or anything, or without failure, but it would be nice for people just to see the positive parts. Maybe I'm being dishonest. I don't think so, at least not yet.
Anyways, I'm just wondering how much I'm going to end up telling them. I don't think I want to be saying much, because they don't understand it, they're not theatre people. There's a specific type of person/friend for those things, and LFC is just not going to be that. And that's okay.
