I think my biggest shortcoming is that I'm not patient.
I start taking dance lessons, I wanna be GOOD. As SOON as I can. I start taking vocal lesson, I wanna be GOOD. As SOON as I can.
But these things take time. And I'm having a hard time settling with that. I think that's good though, maybe I shouldn't settle with it, because I need this drive. I have to have this drive or else I won't do things.
And that's another thing. I need to have something coming up in order to feel motivated. I already said this, but after that audition, I just couldn't focus. I still haven't really gotten it back up, but just today I learned what the summer show next year will be, and I am so ready to go at this hard. I think. I mean, it's something I think I have sort of a chance for... I'm not exactly the right ethnicity, but I am not white and that's emphasized, that the cast members shouldn't really be white. Anyways, some things might go my way, some might not, I need to learn hip hop dance, and that's it. We'll see how it goes. But now I feel more of a drive. I know what I'm working towards.
But that's bad. because I am assigning too much value to these fleeting things. I need to be motivated even when I don't have an audition coming up. And I need to get out and audition more and get rejected more, so that I don't have JUST THIS ONE big audition coming up and that's like the only thing I'm in the run for, so it'll have less of an effect when/if I don't get it.
Anyways, though, that's kind of how I'm wired right now.
But I think that's the one thing I should be working towards. I think. Patience. I haven't figured out if impatience is good or bad for me yet. It sounds bad, because it sounds like it makes me keep letting myself down, falling short of my own expectations, but... I shouldn't lift myself too high, either.
