Okay, y'all know I said I'm auditioning for that show.
So I got a vocal coach, and she was like, "You're using head voice no no no no you can't do that you have to belt" and I was like, "I can't belt" and she was like, "lol you'd better though," and I was like, "wait no you don't understand, my chest voice literally does not go that high," and she was like, "saaaaang it," and I was like, "I sound like a goat," and she was like, "no trust it," and I was like, "wait okay I get this, kinda."
In short, she taught me what belting is and how to do it, and, honestly, I'm not even sure I do it right, but I could kinda kinda hit the notes? My chest voice for sure got stronger and louder, though. Anyways, the theatre sent us two songs to choose from (songs from the show) and said to prepare our own 32-bar contrasting cut from a musical not from the show. I chose 'If the Tables Were Turned' from A Little Princess (which I don't think is in anyone's book because the musical didn't end up going to Broadway, but it was Off-Broadway, and it's by Andrew Lippa, who's, like, real famous) because it was a nice contrast, and it also had a section that was more dreamy and legit, so I could actually use my head voice and get away with it. I'm actually really proud of myself for finding that song.
And I prepared my favorite song from the musical (somehow they chose it as one of the audition song) but it was like so hard because I had to belt it, and it was a lot... so... okay I didn't tell anyone this... but... I was so worried because the morning of the audition, I still could do it only like 40% of the time I tried... and... I decided... to do the other song instead... which I hadn't learned the lyrics to yet... AND I KNOW THAT'S AN ULTIMATE NO-NO FOR AUDITIONING, you're never ever supposed to sing something you don't know front and back, and actually you're not ever supposed to sing a new song just for an audition, but they gave us cuts anyways, so what's the different, but you definitely aren't supposed to change your mind the morning of.
Anyways, I forgot the words in the middle of my audition. Awesome. The words were so weird, like, it was such a tongue twister, and I was freaking out anyways, and it was, like, the last line, and, I mean, just, I was nervous, and it was bound to happen. Mistake made, good thing it was made early on and not at an audition where I actually had hope for a chance. Although... I don't think it was bad enough to convince me to never do it again, because I feel like I wouldn't have hit the belts for the original song.
Okay, I need to start from, like the beginning of the audition. I was second to go, probably because I submitted really fast after the call went up, and, walking into the audition room, I was like, "No no no no no no I need to go over the lyrics again, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING." But I walked in, and behind the table was the director of the show I did last year and the musical director. Not even the director of the show I was auditioning for. Which was good. Because it was good that he didn't see this disaster. Anyways, these two guys both jump up to give me huge, and ahhh it's just so good to replay that moment, you know, walking into an audition room completely unsure of what you're going to see, only to be greeted by friends you have worked with. Abe, the director of the show I did last year, has actually been such a big influence in my life, like, he wrote my college recommendation letter and referred to me the acting coach who helped me out with my college audition for my second major of theatre. Anyways, Abe is super important to me, and I'm so glad we've stayed in touch. He was there at my first audition, which was the scariest thing in my life, like he was there saying, "Whenever you're ready" and watching me take a breath - stop - couldn't do it - try again, take a break - ..nope. And even though my throat somehow decided to go all dried up on me in that audition room, and I didn't sound at all like I was hoping to, it was just really bad, in my opinion, although it was kind of a blur and I don't remember exactly what happened, it's okay, because it was Abe. And he's seen me at my worst, he's seen me at my best, and he's going to see me throughout my journey of life. So this was just a sentence in the story, another sentence in the introduction paragraph. Come on, I did this audition with only two voice lessons (within the span of only one week) under my belt. I'm going to continue taking lessons, and I KNOW that the next time I step into an audition room, 1) I'll actually be prepared this time because 2) I'll have a chance, so 3) I'll really bring it. And I don't think I'll get anything this time, but next time, I'll know exactly what to expect, and I will be confident, knowing that I'm so much better than I was at this one audition.
I just would have regretted not auditioning. Honestly, earlier in the day, I kind of contemplated not showing up, because I wasn't sure I'd be able to hit the notes, but I would regret it so much.
This theatre does A Christmas Carol every year, and it's this incredible new version of it, with lots of popular songs infused into it, and it's just a total spectacular scene and the pride of the theatre, and when I saw the audition calls, I got nervous. Like, I was just so nervous about this. I didn't audition, because I really wasn't emotionally ready. The thing is, you can't let yourself get too attached to the part or the show, because that makes you so much more nervous and so much more disappointed when you don't get it. But I was ready for this one. I made up my mind before the casting call went up, I was going to audition for it. Just I thought the auditions would be in, like, May. Wrong. But I went in through the entire process knowing that I don't really have a chance, let's be honest.
Next time, though. I'm going to audition for A Christmas Carol. That's something to work towards for this year. Auditions are usually in, like, October. But they keep most of the cast, except for the people who aren't able to do the show again, so, like, this year, there were only about four new cast members, all notorious performers. It's all right, though, and I'll audition for whatever show opens the season (auditions in the summer, somewhere, or in May). I'll just keep trying, because there's always that period of trying and being let down before you finally hit the good stuff. There's always that time, so I gotta spend it training as hard as I can in order for me to knock it out of the park someday.
