Growing Up

I just fell through a wormhole of reading my old posts, and I think it's kind of cool that I have this blog. It's not in style to have a blog anymore (in middle school, it was THE THING TO HAVE), but I like it because I have documentation of my life. There are definitely some major points that have been left out, but I think you can see my growth through writing style and the things I choose to post.

So I appreciate that I still have this, even if I don't post regularly anymore.

Cross My Fingers for the Summer

And here I am, reporting from the other side of the semester.
Okay, y'all listen. This semester was a nightmare. It was like... all my past semesters have been like skiing, you know, you're in control of where you're going and everything... and this semester was like sledding. You just gotta squeeze your eyes shut and pray you don't crash into a tree.
I think my semester is over. I'm waiting for grades to be entered for this one class, and then I'll know if I have to take the final for that or not. So I'm, like, in semester purgatory.

BUT THIS SUMMER.
This summer I'll be interning at the Williamstown Theatre Festival (WTF for short haha), and that's what I've spent this semester looking forward to. I thinkkkkk I'll update from this blog, just for the sake of continuity in my life, though it'll be pretty embarrassing if someone goes through the old posts and sees what a spastic adolescent I used to be.

I leave in less than a month, and the excitement is real. So real.

Checking In

I feel obligated to post something just to check in. Cause I haven't in a while.

Mmmm there's lots of new stuff, but I've dispersed it all in other ways already. So. Not really up to re-tell stories.

But good stuff. Lots of good stuff happening. I'm not really excited about the semester that just started, but... I'm stoked for the summer.

Idk I just feel like my Advertising degree right now is my grunt work. Just cause there's lots of business-related courses we have to take, and I'm only interested in the creative aspect. I'm taking lots of boring business classes this semester, and I can't get myself to study. I just procrastinate with literally whatever I can find.

So that's why I'm here.

On Our Own

I feel like I'd be considered a bad person for thinking this. And I can't really imagine anyone agreeing with me, just cause our society is so geared towards thinking the opposite. But.
I feel like people should take care of their needs before other people SOMETIMES (but most of the times) BUT STILL ONLY SOMETIMES.
I'll break it down.
Regular everyday people we encounter (you, me, our friends)... we shouldn't really put taking care of them before us. Because we know what we need. I'll put this into a very very very low-stakes example. You go the mall. Okay? And you go there to pick out an outfit that you really like. Basically, you want to pick out the one outfit that, after you've seen all the clothes there are to offer, you would like the best. So you go and you look at all the clothes and you decide on an outfit. Now if someone else had gone to the mall FOR YOU to pick a favorite outfit out FOR YOU, what are the odds that they would pick the same exact outfit? They'd probably pick another outfit, maybe something you like but don't like as *much* or something that's out of your normal style that gives you a nice challenge that you like, but it won't be what you chose.
I'm not saying at ALL that we shouldn't constantly invest in helping people. Cause we need help. We just have to ask for it. I think it's one person's own responsibility, if they are capable of it, to recognize when and where they need help, and to ask for it.
I'll acknowledge arguments now.
Sometimes people don't know that they need help. In these cases, you do help them out. Still looking out for each other.
Sometimes people can't ask for help themselves, or they really don't have the resources to cover their needs. These people might be children, might be homeless people, might be individuals with disabilities... it's privilege to be able to manage on your own until you have to ask for help. I'd say it's a privilege a lot of people have, though.

I'll wrap here. That wasn't a complete thought, I guess. Lots of holes in it. I'd just like to clarify one thing: I'm not against helping people. It's just that I think that it would be more efficient if, instead of me guessing what you need, for you to catch me when you need help... just let me know what to do, and I'm there.

What the FLIP just happened: Newsies Edition

Okay. OKAY. I don't even know what just happened. I'll try to piece it out.
From the beginning.
You should know that I'm a theatre major, and I'm doing theatre because two and a half years ago, little theatre-hating me went to go see a show on Broadway called Newsies. And that began a series of ridiculously lucky events that led me to be where I am today. THAT'S BACKGROUND INFO. KNOW THAT.
So Newsies is on tour, and my city is its last stop. I'm going to their final show, which is this Sunday, because it's the most important one, BUT I wanted to stage door a bit earlier because they're gonna be in a funky mood on Sunday, so I don't want to bother them. I knew that a friend was seeing the show tonight, so I asked him to grab me an extra program so that I could get it signed tonight. I actually woulda seen Newsies more than once, but I'm in this other show and we have rehearsal, so my only choice was to go on weekends anyways.
So right after rehearsal let out, I went to the theatre, and I actually got there just as intermission let out. I waited around for a while, and I really wanted to go in, I was so jealous of all the people. I ran into a friend and I said I was gonna go stage door Newsies, and she said, "Oh, Newsies! This dude from my high school was in the Broadway cast!" and I said, "Andy Richardson?" and she was like, "Yeah!" WHICH IS FUNNY because Andy is actually on the tour (and was on stage right next door!) AND when I went to go see it on Broadway, he's the only one I met. I went to put my donation into his Broadway Cares bucket, and I asked for a picture but he couldn't take one just then cause they were not allowed to take photos in costume, but he said, "Stick around and I'll take one with you when I change and come out!" but I couldn't stay so I didn't get that picture. So that was crazy that my friend happened to know of Andy.
Anyways, I wandered over to the area outside the lobby, and there were a couple of middle aged women sitting there, and one of them had her husband with her. She went to the locked door of the lobby while I pretended to be reading the posters on the doors (while I was really just straining to listen to the music inside). This usher came up and opened a door and asked her if she needed anything, and she said, "Oh no I'm just waiting for my son." and I took the chance and caught the usher and asked, "Is it okay if I slip in to check out the merch table, or should I do that when I come to see the show in a couple of days?" and she said, "Hmmm wait until then..." and I was like, "Okay yeah that's fine, thanks!"
She closed the door just as my favorite song, 'Brooklyn's Here', started playing. Just for the sake of conversation, I turned to the ladies and said, "This one's my favorite Newsies song!" and they were like, "Very nice" and then happened to notice each other, and then the craziest thing happened.
One said, "...are you Nico's mom?" and the other lady said, "Yeah! You're.. Andy's mom?"

HOLD UP.
HOLD THE... WAIT NO WHAT??

I was sitting there. In the lobby/not lobby. With Andy Richardson's mom and Nico DeJesus's parents.
WHAT IN THE WORLD. LITERALLY. I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO GUESS HOW THIS HAPPENED.
So for the next like HOUR I sat there and chatted with them, we talked about EVERYTHING, I told them my entire musical theatre personal journey story, we talked about their sons, we talked about all the guys in the casts (both tour AND Broadway) and that was INCREDIBLE because they just KNOW Jeremy Jordan and Ryan Steele and Corey Cott and like I'm just throwing out names here but they know ALL OF THEM. We had GOOD TALK. And then I took a selfie with them (they were laughing bc they aren't of the selfie generation and didn't know how it worked) and, per their request, I tweeted it to their sons.
Then the show let out and we watched curtain call from the monitors, and as soon as people started coming out, Nico's mom asked me, "Are you still wanting to get merch? I'll watch your bag, go see if you can get some, cause I think they said they're running out." and I was like, "Yeah I hope I don't get kicked out for not seeing the show," and she was like, "Just tell them you're Nico's sister" (because Nico is also Asian) and I was like lol okay and that's what I did. I rushed in, ran into my boss for a split second and tried to tell him everything but then I kinda ditched him and went to the merch table and got a t-shirt (rip $30) and on the way out, Nico's parents caught me and were like, "Got your shirt? Good! Let's go to the stage door!"
And I forgot that I kinda texted my friend to meet me out there and act like we happened to run into each other, so it was super super awkward (I forgot to act surprised) but he got me a program just as Nico's mom went to the usher and got one for me (sweet lady, bless her) so I had two programs which was perfect cause my friend wanted me to get one signed for him as well.
So I go out with Nico's parents and Andy's mom to the stage door, where there are people waiting already, but it was INCREDIBLE because Nico's mom grabbed all the Newsies as they came out and whisked them over to me, saying, "This is Mia, you should meet her!"
...all the other times I've stage doored, I thought I was on cloud nine, but let me tell you. Stage dooring with cast member's parents is THE WAY TO GO.
Anyways, I was introduced to like ALL of them, got pictures with them and it was so weird because I've seen their faces on social media and regular media and everything, and it's kinda stunning that they literally just look the same when you see them in person. Like. You've seen pictures and videos of these faces, and now they're here, the real deal, in front of you for the first time, but it's a FAMILIAR face. I knew all of their names and I guess it caught them by surprise, but they always are a beat brighter when you recognize who they are.
It was a blur. I got them to sign the programs, Nico was so sweet awww, also I told both Nico and Julian (the two Asian Americans in the cast) that I really appreciate their work and I look up to them for representing our ethnicity, since it's so so rare. They looked really touched by that. Julian told me to keep doing what I'm doing, keep training, keep persevering. And I will. Thank you, Julian.

They were all dressed really nice, too, and all headed on their buses to go to an after party (the parents were talking about it, they were like, "I don't even know where it is"), it's their official closing night party. But it was cool, like, they got on the busses and they literally were normal 20-something year old boys... as if they didn't just do full Tony-award winning show.

Also in the cast is Michael Dameski, who won SYTYCD Australia a couple of years ago, and the person after me didn't have a Sharpie so I let him hold onto it and he signed like ten people's playbills with my Sharpie, hahahaha... I ran off to get a pic with Anthony, and on the way back I ran into Michael and he was like, "Here's your Sharpie back."

Andy was the last one out, and his mom pulled him over so I could meet him, and Andy signed my program as I told him, "I saw you about two years ago on Broadway, and you're the only one I met. You said that if I wanted a picture, I could find you after you changed, but I didn't get to do that... so can we get that picture now?" So we finally got a picture. I also told him how seeing the show changed my life and shoved me into the arms of theatre... and he gave me a huge hug. Then he went to go sign other people's stuff and take other pictures, and after he was all done, he and his mom said a last goodbye to me and went on their way.

I still don't understand how that happened. I have pictures that I snapped, and I'm glad I have those, because, in my mind, this night was all a blur.

Dangerously incredible things related to Newsies seem to happen to me.
What's next?

Summer 2016 Reflection

                “And just like that it’s over. We tend to our wounded, we count our dead.”

                I just completed something that, one year ago, I thought I wouldn’t be qualified to do for at least another couple of years. I don’t really know how it happened, except for the fact that the opportunity presented itself, I took it, and I ran with it. This was a challenge. It was a challenging thing to be faced with every day. It overwhelms me when I think of how many days I checked children onto my roster, how many kids passed under my instruction, how many hours I spent in the classroom wrangling the focus of the young ones. It was a lot.

                I could speak for ages about the invaluable lessons I learned in the many moments of joy, but, in all honestly, I was surprised most by what I learned during the times when I was angry. At some points, I was angry at situations of losing opportunity to people I felt didn’t work as hard as me for. I was angry at said people. I was irritated with some of the other interns because of their personalities, because of their privileges… but when all pulls through, I realized that it’s okay. Because, in the end, we’re all just trying our best. It’s that pure, it’s that simple. We’re all just trying our best. Nobody means harm, nobody means to be a bother, and conflict exists because priorities are in different places. We all have our eyes focused on different end points and we’re all just trying so so hard to get there. For months, we faked smiles for the sake of getting along. We held our tongues for the sake of avoiding conflict. We shifted eyes for the sake of letting nearly trivial things slide. Because we knew that we held each other up. We were each a fragment of the house of cards. And, after that, I think I learned what family means. I oftentimes hear people speaking of how their family members are diverse and borderline crazy, but they “love it anyways, because that’s who we are” and I didn’t understand that until the moment we started to say goodbye. Until I looked into the eyes of the people I internally fumed over, until I held them in my arms and realized that… hey. This is what we are. Like it or not, we share this life. This is the family we have built. And each and every one of us… all we’re really doing is trying to do our best.

                What has been the norm for us will never be our lives again. Right now, when we see the photos, we see a reflection of our current lives. But our paths now diverge. We came from all different corners of the country and walks of life, and we will now disperse right back into different corners of the country and walks of life, but at least we walked this bit together. At least we shared this. No matter where we came from and where we go, these eleven weeks have been stamped upon our lives.

                In eleven weeks, I learned to laugh. I now laugh louder, more frequently, more boldly. Because joy should not be invalidated, and humor should be appreciated.

                Honestly, I’m not sure I would say that I put as much into it as I should have, and, in turn, I’m not sure I would say that I got as much out of it as I could have. I thought I would pursue connections more, initiate conversations more, deepen friendships more. There are so many things I thought I was going to do. But the trouble is, I thought I had time. Reflecting on that, I now am reminded to never get into the groove of things. No matter how structured your situation is, as soon as you start falling into routine, you stop taking initiative, you stop pushing farther. So, like always, I know that I could have done better. There isn’t a second time around for this, but there is a first time around for the next thing. And I’ll try harder then. I’ll do better then. Because that’s all I’m trying to do.

                Because that’s all I’m going to do.

Actually the End

I get excited a lot. I get excited when things begin and when they start picking up quickly.
But so many times, that's where it ends. I wait patiently, I wait for however long it takes me to realize that what I thought was a promising beginning was actually the end.

"Treat Yourself"

I did nothing today. Partially because my day was thrown off balance by having to push back plans with someone who overslept. But that aside... I mentioned to a friend how I did nothing, and they said something that I hate hate hate hate hate for people to tell me.
"Treat yourself!"
What the flip does that even mean.
Why is it a good thing to do nothing? I didn't get this far by doing nothing. Like, if you're going to be a lazy person and think that it's good to slack off, that's fantastic for you, I don't care, you can go do that. But me? I work way too hard to afford to stop.

People also say that when I can't stop myself from eating something like some dessert, or a lot of food. "Treat yourself!" WHAT THE FLIP DOES THAT MEAN.
Why is it a good thing to put unhealthy food into your body? It's so stupid I can't even build an argument against it, cause usually arguments can only be built against things that are made of at least some substance.

Eating unhealthy and accomplishing nothing are not to be encouraged.

At least, that's not how I work. "Treating" myself means working my behind off all day, packing my day with booking it between internship, training, practice, stuff like that, and hitting the bed at night absolutely tired but ready to shoot up the next morning to do it all again. Cause you know what that leads to? It leads to success. It leads to me potentially being better than the lazy person who thinks that staying home all day is a successful day.

I delight in working hard. It feels good. (Same with eating healthy - it feels good.) So when someone tells me to "treat" myself and NOT work hard or NOT eat healthy, that's kind of offensive because... do you really think that I hold myself to such low standards? Do you really think I disrespect myself so much that I give myself a pat on the back for literally doing nothing?

I'm not stupid. So while you're rewarding yourself for being lazy, I'll be crushin' it somewhere across town. See ya later, have fun getting nothing done.

Pens For Her

So everyone's kind of blowing up about these pink and purple pens that are "for her". People get the idea that it's a condescending product that suggests that women can't use other pens, pens that they are now mockingly calling "man pens."

Okay, y'all, hold up.

Just because these pens are "women's pens" doesn't automatically make any other pens "man pens."
Nowhere does it say that women can only use these pens and women can only use these pens. These pens are just an option for if somebody wants a pretty pen. Lots of people don't want pretty pens, but some people do. It's kind of a niche market.

I will say that I don't 100% agree with labeling it "for her" because some of these people who want pretty pink and purple pens might be men. And that's not a big deal, that just means they like the colors and the designs, it doesn't necessarily imply anything else.

I don't think that these pens are an issue, besides the company's direct claim that they are for women.

On the other hand, lots of children's toys are getting lots of criticism because they are flowery and pink or (something stereotypically boyish?) and blue. But do these products actually SAY "for girls only" or "for boys only?" I don't think they do; at least, I haven't seen any that say that. People claim that the only toys manufactured for girls are all princesses and flowers and pink and purple, but who's stopping a boy from buying them? What if a boy likes a flowery purple toy? Nothing says he can't buy it. These boundaries are set by the consumers who imagine the line.

That's all I've got for now. I think that people are making too big a deal of "gendered products." For people who care so much about it, they're doing kind of a lousy job of just buying whichever product they want.

Step in Time

I've been having the incredible opportunity of watching rehearsals for Mary Poppins at the theatre I work at.
I tried to keep it down. But I can't. Here goes.
Today, the five hour rehearsal included Step in Time (the tap number where the ensemble is chimney sweeps) and the scenes directly before and after. I'm gonna TELL you about Step in Time.
It was mindblowing. Incredible. Absolutely unreal.
First of all, I adore the interactions that go on between the chimney sweeps. There are so many cute little transactions that occur, you DO NOT have enough eyes to watch them all. They all happen so quickly and swiftly that, chances are, you're missing them. But the chimney sweeps all exhibit a charming camaraderie, and they're constantly shaking hands, patting each other's shoulders, and tossing each other smiles on a whim. It's different each time.
Also, for some reason, lots of the ensemble boys were wearing baseball caps, and at random times when improvising was allowed, you'd catch one whip his hat off his head and tip it to another sweep or whirl it around up above his head.
And directly after the button of the number (that's the very very end of a dance and song), the music goes slow and everything starts happening in slow motion... and everybody does intensely interesting things. This one guy does a backwards somersault from his button position. These three chimney sweeps engage in a three-way handshake, arms crossed over each other. One chimney sweep, who finished the button in the most adorable way - landing on the ground with his chin in his hands, peeking out from between another sweep's legs - gets help standing back up. Bert spits on his hand and little Michael looks with horror as their hands meet... and as the handshake ends and Michael pulls his hand away, he pulls a revolted face and wipes his hand clean. It's all happening in slow motion, and all at once, in a matter of five brilliant seconds, and if you're watching one, it means you're missing all the others.
The most striking thing about these ensemble members is that they are downright charming. There's a number called the the Step in Time Reprise, it's immediately after Step in Time and it's a transition from the rooftops into the Bank's house, and the chimney sweeps interact with the people of the household. The absolute cutest part was a segment that was just added today, when the chimney sweeps, all having fun, swing their hips back and forth - along with matching arm movements - as they wait for their cue from Bert. There's no way to properly explain that part. It's just so cute. SO cute. Also, in another corner, where Mr. Banks's desk lies, one sweep climbs up onto his office chair and starts dancing, as two other sweeps grab his briefcase and toss it back and forth to each other, running around the table with it, as Mr. Banks angrily tries to grab it back. Meanwhile, Ms. Banks is pulled into a salsa with Bert and Miss Brill is tossed around between sweeps. It's a total party. And, at the end of the scene, when the sweeps are all filing out the door (still in dance), the charm reaches a peak as, one by one, the boy chimney sweeps prance past Mr. Banks and individually sing, "Good night, guvnor!" as they spin backwards and tip their hats to him.

But I couldn't give a description of this number without noting the INCREDIBLE tap soloist. Okay. you know how, when a fan starts to move, you can't see where the blades are - it's just a blur of color? That's exactly what happened with his feet. It's the only way I can it. Near the end of the number, his feet started flying so fast that I honestly COULD NOT SEE where they were. He was floating on a cloud of brown and all these incredible NOISES were rocketing out from beneath him.

That wasn't the only moment that left me beyond mindblown. There was one section where the sweeps began to make intricate rhythms by clapping and slapping their shoulders, knees, elbows... it was a relentless string of hands flying, striking skin. They did the thing where you cross your arms (hands tap the opposite elbow) then you bring them back up to the middle, where the backs of your hands slap together, and then back down to elbows, etc. and also this thing there (try this with me) you put your left hand over your right knee, use your right hand to slap your knee, bring it up to slap your left hand, bring it back down to slap your knee, repeat on the other side. And then repeat that. Again. Again. Really fast. REALLY FAST.

Also, let's just not forget when two of the sweeps did ten pirouettes in a row, perfectly synched, and then ended it with a toe-touch jump. It was all too much. So much.

And there's this part where the chimney sweeps, with their brooms in hand, line up in two lines, facing each other, and Mary Poppins and Bert and the kids walk down between the lines, but, as that's happening, just in front of them, the chimney sweeps toss their brooms across the alley to each other. The broom toss occurs in a wave, just as Mary and the others arrive down the row. It's nothing short of impressive.

Also, just by watching, I learned a few new tap steps (from the parts that were slow enough for me to process) and I actually remember quite a bit. I remember the last several 8-counts of the entire number, which is nothing compared to the entirety of the number, but they did the end a few times, so I got to watch it and remember the sequence of the moves. I probably couldn't DO it cause my technique isn't there yet, but I definitely know what's next in the dance.

I think that's all I have to say now. I think I've run my pen dry. I just wanted to write about it on here because I'd been texting a couple of friends throughout the night, and that's all scattered and I wanted a place to have it ALL. So here it is. It'll probably be added to. But anyways, here's this.

In conclusion, my mind is shattered. I question what is real. I watched them rehearse for five entire hours, and during that time they had every ounce of my attention, but, even after that, I can't even begin to describe what just happened right in front of my eyes.  Everything I witnessed was far beyond unreal.

And that was just one number.

Diversity and White and Color

Last night at the Tony Awards, all four actor/actress awards for a musical went to people of color. All were black, though Daveed Diggs is half black.

Please don't misunderstand; I am absolutely thrilled about this. However, I disagree with calling these results "diverse." Only one race is represented in this win, and while it's extraordinary that this happened, it still is only one race. A diverse win would include people of different races. For instance, it would have been diverse if the winners were a black person, a white person, an Asian person, and a Latinx person. Instead of saying that these results are diverse, I would say that these results are colorful. The wins are filled with people of color.

If we were going to put this statement in terms of diversity, we would say that these results increase the diversity of the pool of winners in these categories. Because Leslie Odom Jr won best actor in a musical, the pool of winners of this award (within the history of the Tonys) is now more diverse.

If we are going to talk about diversity, we need to acknowledge what it means. We need to know what is diverse and what is not diverse. Diverse does not mean "not white."

So are we fighting for diversity or against the domination of white?

Mmmmmm ://

So this is literally just because I want to get this out, but can't find it in myself to say it to an actual person, cause that would be with bad judgment.

You know that show I auditioned for at the very beginning of the year? Yeah let's just say it was Cabaret (it definitely was not Cabaret, I'm just saying that cause I don't really know who's reading this - no one hah - but I still have that weird feeling where I don't rest well with telling people my auditioning business). We're gonna pretend it was Cabaret, just for these purposes.

Okay I'm interning at the theatre, I don't know if I mentioned that. But I am, and we get lots of things attached to it, like tickets to opening night of the new mainstage show last night. And all of us went and it was a fun time and it was a total blast. Cabaret opens while our internship is still going on, and we really most likely will be invited to opening night again, and, if not, another show of it for sure. There's this (pretty big) part of me that wishes I was in Cabaret... I know that I would probably physically crumble under the schedule of doing camps all day (that's my internship) - which is almost too much for me all on its own - and THEN going to hours of rehearsal afterwards. Though I would have a couple of hours in between to recharge. Anyways, you know me, I would never complain about that. I would mentally be over the moon, high on theatre, but sometimes mentality isn't enough, physicality has to agree. I don't think it was a mistake that I didn't get Cabaret, but I really still wish I did get it. I just can't stop thinking about how incredible it would be to be on stage the next time the interns go to see opening night. I'd come out of stage door and they'd swamp me (let me dream, okay? though that's really realistic, I don't think they wouldn't) and I would be up on stage knowing that - ok this makes me sound awful - that I'm just a little more accomplished than them. Okay I'm the worst. But I'm being honest. And I want to stick with honestly, cause I don't want to deny my wishes. I would just absolutely love if I was in Cabaret.

ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT so many people that I know and love are working on it. Like one prominent staff member, whom all the interns adore but are afraid of... how cool would it be to be in a show with her and have that much more of a connection with her than the other interns? Well, I would say that I'm closest to her than any other intern because I was here last summer as a counselor and we kinda bonded then. So, like, she's known me.

I think that I just want the other interns to respect me. I think that's what it is. Not that they don't respect me, they totally do, but I mean respect in the way that, like... ugh I'll just say it, I want to be better than them. That's me. I always want to be better, it's a competition always. But only sometimes. What am I saying. Some things I just want to be the best at. I'm competitive. I guess that's what I mean.

About Ambitions....

So many people are driven by their ambitions. Actually, ambition is what drives people. I guess that's a fact. But it's dangerous if your ambition is too far.
College kids often study for their classes with an idea along the line of, "I need to get a good GPA so that I can graduate with honors and go to grad school and find a good job and be a stable and employed adult by the time I am in my thirties."
Okay. Yeah, that's what everyone thinks. That guy who just got laid off by his company? That's what he thought when he was in college.
The thing is, it doesn't work out for everyone. Things might go wrong, and if you're focused on the big picture, you could very easily miss the cues that lead you in a different and better direction.
Here's an alternative: know your big picture ambition, but focus on a smaller milestone. If everything is destined to work out, it will, and you'll get to your big picture anyways. But if your path starts to turn a different way, your next milestone will alter accordingly, and you will know that your path has moved.
In the end, don't work towards your "pie in the sky"; you will never be satisfied. Even if you get there, by that time, you'll be worn out and you'll feel like you deserved it anyways. Don't do that to yourself. Live by the little. Run the marathon of life by the mile, not by the bulk.

For Document on Laptop

People need to realize that they by no means have control over who is in their life. Everyone has the choice of leaving a friendship, and that generally leads people to believe that they are in control over the existence of a relationship, but they often forget that it can equally be cut off by the other person as well. It's a shared power. In other words, not one person is more powerful than the other. Even if you think you have the upper hand, know that none of your friends are obligated to stay.

* CONT * This Summer!!

THIS IS CONTINUED FROM THE POST DIRECTLY UNDER!! It just got really long, so that one actually comes first!


Anyways, somewhere down the line, I decided to apply for the summer internship. I wrote a formal email cover letter and attached my resume and everything and submitted... and it was kind of funny because I totally know the dude that was the email correspondent. So it was like... he was setting up an interview time and it was really chill cause, like, we friends on facebook and I have his number in my phone and everything, like, WE FRIENDS. But I knew that I still had to be game-on at the interview because my competition had more experience and more education. I can't tell if me being already so involved with these camps made it harder or easier for me to get in. I don't know and it doesn't matter, anyways. I have to say that, in my opinion, I nailed my interview. The guy and this other girl (whom I hadn't met before) interviewed me, and I think the girl actually had more say over who gets the internships, so I guess I was good enough for her to like me.

I'm a little bit scared going into this. I know that it will be a little bit different from the other camps, as expectations are going to be higher. Also, the rest of the interns are older than me. I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest. One of them is actually one of my castmates from the show I did at my university last semester, so that's exciting. Another is one whom I've known of for a while, he's a senior this year at my university, but he looks and acts, like, 30. I've facebook stalked my fellow interns (there are ten of us, including me) and I think the three of us from my university are the only ones from my city. Also, I'm so so sure I'm actually the youngest. Which is cool. Because I'm the only one who's done stuff with this theatre and its education program. I know how these things work, I know the drill, I have SUCH a leg up. And that's kind of scary. I don't think I'm gonna mention that to the other interns, unless the camp staff sorta spills the beans for me. I don't expect to be treated any better than the rest of the interns... I mean, it's sort of tricky, with me being a veteran. I'm not going to assume anything, I don't know if it's a pro or a con, or if it makes any difference at all. I'll just do my best and know that the other interns may be better than me (in which case I will learn from them) or less knowledgeable than me (in which case I will allow them to learn from me, if they'd like).

I don't know what this will be like. I'm the young fish. But I'm also the only one who knows the drill. I have no doubt that this will be an incredible summer. Honestly, if I were to predict, I would say that me having experience at these camps is not going to make any difference, as everybody will have it down in a matter of two weeks anyways. Actually, I might even feel a little bit alienated if I pull up a tradition that they don't really know about. Or maybe I'll not quite fit in because I'm so much younger. I guess it's inevitable that I'll like some more than the others, though I want that idea to have to prove itself. Either way. It'll be a good summer. I feel it in my bones.