Diversity and White and Color

Last night at the Tony Awards, all four actor/actress awards for a musical went to people of color. All were black, though Daveed Diggs is half black.

Please don't misunderstand; I am absolutely thrilled about this. However, I disagree with calling these results "diverse." Only one race is represented in this win, and while it's extraordinary that this happened, it still is only one race. A diverse win would include people of different races. For instance, it would have been diverse if the winners were a black person, a white person, an Asian person, and a Latinx person. Instead of saying that these results are diverse, I would say that these results are colorful. The wins are filled with people of color.

If we were going to put this statement in terms of diversity, we would say that these results increase the diversity of the pool of winners in these categories. Because Leslie Odom Jr won best actor in a musical, the pool of winners of this award (within the history of the Tonys) is now more diverse.

If we are going to talk about diversity, we need to acknowledge what it means. We need to know what is diverse and what is not diverse. Diverse does not mean "not white."

So are we fighting for diversity or against the domination of white?

Mmmmmm ://

So this is literally just because I want to get this out, but can't find it in myself to say it to an actual person, cause that would be with bad judgment.

You know that show I auditioned for at the very beginning of the year? Yeah let's just say it was Cabaret (it definitely was not Cabaret, I'm just saying that cause I don't really know who's reading this - no one hah - but I still have that weird feeling where I don't rest well with telling people my auditioning business). We're gonna pretend it was Cabaret, just for these purposes.

Okay I'm interning at the theatre, I don't know if I mentioned that. But I am, and we get lots of things attached to it, like tickets to opening night of the new mainstage show last night. And all of us went and it was a fun time and it was a total blast. Cabaret opens while our internship is still going on, and we really most likely will be invited to opening night again, and, if not, another show of it for sure. There's this (pretty big) part of me that wishes I was in Cabaret... I know that I would probably physically crumble under the schedule of doing camps all day (that's my internship) - which is almost too much for me all on its own - and THEN going to hours of rehearsal afterwards. Though I would have a couple of hours in between to recharge. Anyways, you know me, I would never complain about that. I would mentally be over the moon, high on theatre, but sometimes mentality isn't enough, physicality has to agree. I don't think it was a mistake that I didn't get Cabaret, but I really still wish I did get it. I just can't stop thinking about how incredible it would be to be on stage the next time the interns go to see opening night. I'd come out of stage door and they'd swamp me (let me dream, okay? though that's really realistic, I don't think they wouldn't) and I would be up on stage knowing that - ok this makes me sound awful - that I'm just a little more accomplished than them. Okay I'm the worst. But I'm being honest. And I want to stick with honestly, cause I don't want to deny my wishes. I would just absolutely love if I was in Cabaret.

ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT so many people that I know and love are working on it. Like one prominent staff member, whom all the interns adore but are afraid of... how cool would it be to be in a show with her and have that much more of a connection with her than the other interns? Well, I would say that I'm closest to her than any other intern because I was here last summer as a counselor and we kinda bonded then. So, like, she's known me.

I think that I just want the other interns to respect me. I think that's what it is. Not that they don't respect me, they totally do, but I mean respect in the way that, like... ugh I'll just say it, I want to be better than them. That's me. I always want to be better, it's a competition always. But only sometimes. What am I saying. Some things I just want to be the best at. I'm competitive. I guess that's what I mean.

About Ambitions....

So many people are driven by their ambitions. Actually, ambition is what drives people. I guess that's a fact. But it's dangerous if your ambition is too far.
College kids often study for their classes with an idea along the line of, "I need to get a good GPA so that I can graduate with honors and go to grad school and find a good job and be a stable and employed adult by the time I am in my thirties."
Okay. Yeah, that's what everyone thinks. That guy who just got laid off by his company? That's what he thought when he was in college.
The thing is, it doesn't work out for everyone. Things might go wrong, and if you're focused on the big picture, you could very easily miss the cues that lead you in a different and better direction.
Here's an alternative: know your big picture ambition, but focus on a smaller milestone. If everything is destined to work out, it will, and you'll get to your big picture anyways. But if your path starts to turn a different way, your next milestone will alter accordingly, and you will know that your path has moved.
In the end, don't work towards your "pie in the sky"; you will never be satisfied. Even if you get there, by that time, you'll be worn out and you'll feel like you deserved it anyways. Don't do that to yourself. Live by the little. Run the marathon of life by the mile, not by the bulk.

For Document on Laptop

People need to realize that they by no means have control over who is in their life. Everyone has the choice of leaving a friendship, and that generally leads people to believe that they are in control over the existence of a relationship, but they often forget that it can equally be cut off by the other person as well. It's a shared power. In other words, not one person is more powerful than the other. Even if you think you have the upper hand, know that none of your friends are obligated to stay.

* CONT * This Summer!!

THIS IS CONTINUED FROM THE POST DIRECTLY UNDER!! It just got really long, so that one actually comes first!


Anyways, somewhere down the line, I decided to apply for the summer internship. I wrote a formal email cover letter and attached my resume and everything and submitted... and it was kind of funny because I totally know the dude that was the email correspondent. So it was like... he was setting up an interview time and it was really chill cause, like, we friends on facebook and I have his number in my phone and everything, like, WE FRIENDS. But I knew that I still had to be game-on at the interview because my competition had more experience and more education. I can't tell if me being already so involved with these camps made it harder or easier for me to get in. I don't know and it doesn't matter, anyways. I have to say that, in my opinion, I nailed my interview. The guy and this other girl (whom I hadn't met before) interviewed me, and I think the girl actually had more say over who gets the internships, so I guess I was good enough for her to like me.

I'm a little bit scared going into this. I know that it will be a little bit different from the other camps, as expectations are going to be higher. Also, the rest of the interns are older than me. I'm pretty sure I'm the youngest. One of them is actually one of my castmates from the show I did at my university last semester, so that's exciting. Another is one whom I've known of for a while, he's a senior this year at my university, but he looks and acts, like, 30. I've facebook stalked my fellow interns (there are ten of us, including me) and I think the three of us from my university are the only ones from my city. Also, I'm so so sure I'm actually the youngest. Which is cool. Because I'm the only one who's done stuff with this theatre and its education program. I know how these things work, I know the drill, I have SUCH a leg up. And that's kind of scary. I don't think I'm gonna mention that to the other interns, unless the camp staff sorta spills the beans for me. I don't expect to be treated any better than the rest of the interns... I mean, it's sort of tricky, with me being a veteran. I'm not going to assume anything, I don't know if it's a pro or a con, or if it makes any difference at all. I'll just do my best and know that the other interns may be better than me (in which case I will learn from them) or less knowledgeable than me (in which case I will allow them to learn from me, if they'd like).

I don't know what this will be like. I'm the young fish. But I'm also the only one who knows the drill. I have no doubt that this will be an incredible summer. Honestly, if I were to predict, I would say that me having experience at these camps is not going to make any difference, as everybody will have it down in a matter of two weeks anyways. Actually, I might even feel a little bit alienated if I pull up a tradition that they don't really know about. Or maybe I'll not quite fit in because I'm so much younger. I guess it's inevitable that I'll like some more than the others, though I want that idea to have to prove itself. Either way. It'll be a good summer. I feel it in my bones.

This Summer!!

Okay okay okay listen up!!

I am so excited about this summer.

I'm interning at a theatre that is near and dear to my heart, and I'm actually so glad that I've been able to build and maintain connections here. I became involved with this theatre when I did a professional show here last season. I knew that this held too many opportunities to throw away (even if they did require quite a bit of pursuing), so I kept it up and stayed involved. One of my castmates asked me if I was planning on applying to be a counselor at the camps during the summer. There are eleven (separate) weeks of camp at this theatre as part of the education program. There are about ten different groups each week, broken up into age groups. Each age group (well... it kind of goes lower elementary, upper elementary, middle school, high school) has different types of camps available, and anyways, it's a cool deal. There are about fourteen kids in each group, and each group is assigned to one intern. The interns are there for the entire summer. They don't always teach the same age group, and, near the end of the summer, they get to teach on their own.

The elementary aged camps have also have a counselor in their group. The counselors are high school kids who apply and are selected to be a right-hand man to the interns. They generally are only at one to three camps over the summer.

I was a counselor for two weeks last summer, and I absolutely admired the interns I was assigned to. I was actually way more enraptured by the guy I had the first week I was there... he worked with such purpose and charisma that I was honestly inspired to be my very best self 100% of the time. He's just one of those people who, once you've found them, you know you cannot afford to let go. He kind of made my world go round, and I'm so so lucky to still be in contact with him. He came to see a show I was in last semester (he was one of the only friends I told about the show, and I gave him one of my comp tickets) and I went to go see him in a devised piece at his university.

I could talk about him forever, but I'm off track.

Basically, now you see that I really really really really admired him and looked up to him. And I looked up to the intern I worked with the second week, too. These people were... wow! I just wanted to be like them, and I tried to hard to quickly learn from their ways.

This kind of fell into place perfectly. The lady named Kate was in charge of the counselors, and after my last day of camp, I shot her an email to thank her for the opportunity. Then, months later, as I was preparing for my audition for my university's theatre and dance department, I asked the director (of the show I was in) if he had any suggestions for acting coaches to help me with my audition pieces. He recommended Kate, and CC'ed her into the email. She quickly reached out to me, and we set up lesson times. She helped me so much. So much. But that's another story. Anyways, after I completed my lessons and was all ready for my audition, she asked me if I would be interested in interning for the winter break camps. There were two three day camps, and she wanted to know if I would intern... so I would get paid, have my own groups, just like the summer interns, but a little less would be expected from me, as I wouldn't have had the training that the summer interns get. So of course I jumped on the chance. Winter camps were great, and then I was invited back for a one day camp and then the spring break camps. The other interns for these camps were either high school seniors or other college freshmen... and summer interns have at least half their college career under their belt, if not all. Anyways, I'm actually the only person who was there for all four weeks of camp (and those were the only camps that there were during the school year). I'm not sure if others were invited to all, but turned down the offers... anyways, I was the only one there for all of it.

I'm breaking this into two posts. I didn't know I would end up explaining EVERYTHING hahaha....

Free of Friends

Friends do little more than disappoint, I feel like.

This past week as I've come back home for the summer, many friends have demonstrated their lack of effort in friendship. One particular friend has made plans with me and then flaked out... I think about five times in the past week. And today I ran into a mutual friend, who mentioned that she saw friend just yesterday. Which is.. like... (I'm not personally offended, I really don't care what this idiot does) sort of shady.

Really, out of all the friends I've had for seventeen years of my life, three have stuck. There's my best friend who's been my best friend ever since fifth grade. And then there's one who's a junior in high school now, and he's the only one who still texts me. And he lets me give him advice, which I love doing. And then there's one who has been a dear friend for about three or four years... we were brought together by a mutual friend when I was looking for a cast for one of my short films in early high school. This friend is incredibly gifted and she still pursues her craft, and just this morning I went to school to go see a play that her class put on. Of course, high school theatre does not do her justice, but I'd go see her in anything.

That's three. I guess that's okay. But, I don't know. Seventeen years yielding... three true friends?

Honestly, I don't really value people. That's probably a bad thing. There is a very very small handful of people I truly value. I guess that's why I'm so indifferent about the prospect of letting some friends go, even if we've been "friends" for years. Honestly, those three aforementioned friends are, like, the only ones who really hold value in my life. There are other people who also do, but... we aren't as close, I guess? Like, we aren't in constant contact. So what I mean is that some people (for example, those who were with me in the cast of the professional show I did) are more valuable to me than the friend that keeps blowing me off, even though that friend has been pretty close for all of high school.

I guess it's really warped... the roles of people in my life.

But I love theatre. And that's always going to be my passion and priority, first and foremost. The opportunity for making friends can be found anywhere. So I'm not going to slow down for it. Frankly, I do not care about friends as much as I care about working towards being able to do something I love. Currently, in my life, those two things are pretty separated, and they may come together at some point, but, if not, that's fine, cause theatre (training, I guess, since that's what I'm currently working on) will always A L W A Y S take priority. I don't care if I have friends. I don't want to depend on friends. I do not need friends to be happy or feel fulfilled. Because for as long as I have my passion, I can be sure of myself.

Maybe I've just never had a good friend. Maybe I ever will. But who cares? Not me.

Mansplaining

Mansplaining: when a man interrupts and belittles a woman during a conversation, allegedly assuming that he knows more about the topic than the woman.

I just watched a collage of short instances in which men interrupted women, and the primary argument of the video was, "Mansplaining needs to stop."

To me, it just looked like men interrupting. Men also interrupt other men. Women also interrupt men (and women alike) but the video did claim that women are more likely to be interrupted.

Interrupting is rude, but is gender the root of this? Maybe I'm just giving the benefit of the doubt, but I would not say that the men in these instances interrupted the women and spoke down to them (which they didn't even, really, they just insisted that they were correct) BECAUSE the person they were talking to was a women.

Of course, I could be incorrect. But I predict that, as many other issues go, this will be carried too far. I predict that, now that this term is coined and catching on, any time a man interrupts a woman will be "mansplaining."

These past few years have seen a lot of taking an issue, attributing it to an only relatively relevant cause, and then blowing it out of proportions to the point that the credibility of the argument is demolished.

The Catch 22

I've been thinking a lot about diversity and representation in theatre, because it is something I want to be an advocate for, but, in order to do that, I must know where I stand... so I've been thinking a lot about it.
And this has been frustrating me endlessly:
If a person is only certified to tell a story that they have experienced, then how could a play still be diverse? It seems like a Catch 22. If a play does not include representation of multiple races, it is critiqued for not being diverse. But if the author writes in characters that are of a different background than themselves, they are critiqued for trying to tell someone else's story.

Is there a way out of this puzzle??

Part

I've been gone for a while and I'm back to complain. Duh.

Okay, when people say "part" instead of "role" (when talking about theatre or film). "She got a 'part' in the play'."

I don't even know where "part" came from, it's, like, demeaning, compared to "role." A second grader playing a blade of grass in the class play gets a "part."

Measures of Life

It's been a while, and I guess that's just because I've ranted mostly to actual people, over text. But then I remembered that I have this. So here goes.

I just heard a fragment of a conversation. A kid (college, of course) was saying - rather passionately - to his friend, "I've lived more than he has. I've lived more, I've BEEN to a party, I've been to MORE THAN A party-"

and then I passed them and didn't hear any more.

But just that. Just that idea that life is measured in parties.

I recognize that the statement doesn't mean that parties mean EVERYTHING in life, but, in my opinion, they certainly hold too much of a high reputation. If you tell someone that, throughout your four years of high school, that you've never been to a party, you most likely will hear something about "missing the college experience." "Live a little."

Everyone talks about who is the life of the party, when they really care more about how the party is their life.

Partying isn't for everyone. I'm not going to speak for everyone, but I am certainly going to speak for myself. I don't drink. Frankly, I like myself way too much to lose myself. (Please do not say I'm being cocky. My confidence has nothing to do with my comparison of myself to other. Please don't get them confused.) And when I socialize, I'd rather do so at full mental capacity WITH people who are at full mental capacity. Also, there are literally so many ways to socialize. You can go get food. You can just hang out. You can do a lot. You know that I don't really socialize much, but that's because it's not one of my top priorities, like, I haven't really found people that I care to give time to.

What I mean is that you can live without partying. You can measure your life in other ways. Measure life in moments you remember, not moments you're going to forget.

Newsies Anniversary Year Two

I saw Newsies on Broadway exactly two years ago. The flame hasn't burned out.

Unnecessary Noises

When I log into my laptop, it makes a little sound to, I guess, acknowledge that I'm logging in.

I don't like it.

Cause when I'm logging in in class or in the morning while my roommate is still asleep (right now) and I forget to put the laptop on mute, it makes the sound and ugh.

Immature Either Way

Adults making jokes referencing sex displays the same immaturity as children making jokes referencing poop.


Though I'd rather not laugh about them, there are certain jokes that reference sex that are, admittedly, witty and well thought-out. However, the bulk of jokes referencing sex are initiated by the train of thought, "I can make this vaguely about sex and then it will be funny!"

It's not funny. The word "sex" is not a free ticket to humor. So don't roll your eyes at children who make a joke implying "you just pooped!" if you make jokes implying "you must have just had sex" (or something of the sort).

It's tactless, thoughtless, and straight up cheap and ineffective humor.

Cookies and Stuff

I'm just gonna put this here

http://thealmondeater.com/2015/07/no-bake-superfood-breakfast-cookies/

http://apple-of-my-eye.com/2014/10/17/baked-chocolate-chip-cookie-oatmeal/